A friend of mine took her 4-year-old daughter to a baptismal service at her church. Later that night, her daughter took all of her dolls into the bathtub with her and held her own “baptism.”

As she dunked each doll under the water, she repeated, “Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and hold your nose.”

One Liner
“I wonder who discovered we could get milk from cows and what on EARTH did he think he was doing?!” – Billy Connolly

Thought for the day
I am the God who forgives your sins, and I do this because of who I am. I will not hold your sins against you. (Isaiah 43:25 TEV)

When something starts going wrong in your life, do you automatically think, “God’s getting even with me. I know it! I did that thing I’m ashamed of yesterday (or last year or twenty years ago), and now he’s settling the score”?

Does God really treat his children that way? Absolutely not! Isaiah says God doesn’t hold our sins against us. Once we’ve confessed our sins to him, it’s all forgiven and forgotten, and he doesn’t even bring up the past.

Two nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, “Mommy, does God really make rainbows?”

“Of course he does,” my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, “Only God has such big crayons.”

One Liner
The only difference between the difficult and the impossible is that the impossible takes a bit longer.

Thought for the day
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” (John 8:12 NIV)

When Jesus said, “I am the light of the world,” he was defining himself. He was saying, “I know who I am.” More than 18 times in the Bible, Jesus says, “I am” and then gives a description. He described himself as the door, the bread of life, the way, the truth, the resurrection, and the life. Over and over, he defines himself. Jesus knew who he was and, as a result, he was not under pressure.

One weekend a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she’d gently shake him and ask, “What’s your name?”

Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, “My name is Daniel.”

One Liner
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

Thought for the day
“Be honest in your estimate of yourselves.” (Romans 12:3 NLT)
Most people these days are moving so fast that they don’t have time to listen to their heart any more.

The Bible says that God wants you to listen to your heart. He wants you to look at what you’re made to do, and then you’ll know what he wants you to do. But you’ve got to slow down.

Our minister announced that the cost to attend a special social event would be six dollars per person. “However, if you’re over 65,” he said, ” the price will be only $5.50.”

From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?”

One Liner
At my house, “Dust” is a noun, not a verb. – Anonymous

Thought for the day
“Put your heart right, Job. Reach out to God. Put away evil and wrong from your home. Then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more. Your life will be brighter than sunshine at noon, and life’s darkest hours will shine like the dawn. You will live secure and full of hope.” (Job 11:13-18 TEV)

If you want to remain free of bitterness or regret, begin to trust that God is actively working on your behalf, even in what appears to be the worst of circumstances. This is a matter of faith, where you choose to believe God is at work.

After the service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. I hadn’t met the husband before, and I asked what church he was transferring from.

After a short hesitation, he replied, “I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course.

One Liner
“Always keep several get well cards on the mantle – if unexpected guests arrive, they’ll think you’ve been sick and unable to clean.”

Thought for the day
“[God’s] peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

The only time a sense of pressure is legitimate is when you keep saying no to God. That is a relational pressure that comes from holding God at arm’s length.

A string walks into a bar.

“Excuse me,” he asks “Can I please have a drink?”

“Nope” replies the bartender, “We don’t serve strings.”

Upset at the discrimination, the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Seeing this the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar.

The string walks over to a curb, rubs himself against it and ties himself in a knot, then walks back into the bar.

“Excuse me, can I please have a drink?”

“Aren’t you the string that was just here?” asks the bartender.

“No” came the answer, “I’m a frayed knot.”

One Liner
Change is good as long as I don’t have to do anything differently.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9 (NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: I need to admit I need a guide!

At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
“Sweetie,” the woman replied, “I’ve just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I’m requesting!”

One LINER
Don’t be afraid to touch bottom. It’s solid.

Thought for the day
How would your life be different if you were led and powered by a steadfast spirit? Pray, Oh God, “… renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10, NIV)

I’m a middle school band teacher, and I match students to instruments by testing them on various mouthpieces. While most children demonstrate aptitude on more than a single instrument, there was one boy who was having difficulty on every one he tried, and he was becoming disheartened.

Finally, he found success on a tuba mouthpiece. He was so happy that he asked to call his mother.

“Mom, guess what!” I overheard him exclaim. “I tested positive for tuba!”

One LINER
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Thought for the day 
Micah 6:8
[God] has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Thoughts on today’s verse

God desires to bless us with salvation. An incredible gift of his Son dying in our place so we might have eternal life! Once we have this free gift then He wants our lives to daily reflect his salvation and to share it with others.