Monthly Archives: February 2015

Humor – February 27

Cross Country Move
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?” “We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him. “Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted. “Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” I quipped. “Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”

Have a nice day…someplace else!

Thought for the day 
Psalm 25:15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,

My eyes are ever on the Lord – not on power, prestige, possessions or pleasure!

Humor – February 26

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

Thought for the day
Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

The Lord is … the Lord always has been is and the Lord always will be is! Whatever you need just fill in the blank – To the baker the Lord is the bread of life, to the traveler the Lord is the way, to the judge the Lord is the truth, to the sinner the Lord is the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world. Just fill in the blank

Humor – February 25

”Guardian Angel”

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.”

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.”

She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”

Yes! shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!

Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.

Thought for the day
Psalm 22:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

May our trust and confidence be in the name of the Lord and not in own power or possessions. Our power is in the name of the Lord!

Humor – February 24

During the children’s sermon the Pastor asked, “What is gray, has a bushy tail and gathers nuts in the fall?”

One five year old raised his hand. “I know the answer should be Jesus,” he stated, “but it sounds like a squirrel to me.”

One Liner
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. –Roger Simon

Thought for the day
Focus on what you gain, not the pain. There are very few things in life that are easy. You must push through the frustration and look at the gain beyond the pain. Concentrate on how good you’re going to feel once you’ve finished the task.

Galatians 6:9 says, “So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we reap a harvest” (NLT).

Humor – February 23

“Normal” is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

Wanna be normal??

One Liner
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Thought for the day
Face your fears. We hate to admit we have fears, because we think they are a sign of weakness. But fear is a sign of humanity. Only fools are not afraid. You’ve heard it said, “Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s moving ahead in spite of our fears.” The Bible says there is nothing you cannot master with the help of Christ who gives you strength.

Humor – February 20

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.!”

“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?'”


One Liner
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
–Lowery’s Law

Thought for the day
Establish a planned schedule. Proverbs 13:16 says, “A wise man plans ahead. A fool doesn’t” (LB). If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail. You need to designate some specific time slots each week for the things you need to do. Whatever it is, put it on your calendar. And if it’s a big task, break it down into small pieces. Break it into bite-size pieces.

Humor – February 19


  1. Text on webpages display as Morse Code
  1. Graphics arrive via FedEx
  1. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection
  1. You post a message to your favorite Facebook group and it displays a week later
  1. Your credit card expires while ordering from Amazon
  1. ESPN website exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner”…for 1989
  1. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”
  1. Everyone you talk to on the Skype sounds like Forrest Gump
  1. You receive emails with stamps on them
  1. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

    One Liner
    “Background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.”

    Thought for the day
    Start today. Not next month, next week, or tomorrow. “Never boast about tomorrow. You don’t know what will happen between now and then” (Proverbs 27:1 GNT). None of us is guaranteed a tomorrow.