What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn’t have the guts.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
Do you know any skeleton jokes?
Yes, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite song?
“Bad to the Bone.”
One Liner
Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
Monthly Archives: October 2023
Humor – October 30
LEGITIMATE QUESTIONS FOR SENIORS
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
One Liner
You know you’ve got paranoia when you can’t think of anything that is your fault.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
humor pic of the week
Humor – October 27
A customer walks into a dress shop and ask, “May I try on that dress in the window?”
The salesperson replies, “We prefer you use the dressing rooms.”
One Liner
Text without context is pretext.
Humor – October 26
About a week ago, I saw an Internet column about eliminating paperwork clutter.
Great!
So I printed out the instructions and put them on top of the rest of the stuff on my desk.
Now I can’t find them.
One Liner
Thank the Lord for Facebook & Instagram. Otherwise Id have to call 674 people every day to tell them I just went to the gym.
Humor – October 25
An older man, not in the best physical condition, goes to the local gym.
Once dressed in his exercise clothes, he approaches a trainer in the gym. I want to impress a beautiful young girl. Which machine should I use?
The trainer took one look at him and with a smile replied, Use the ATM machine outside!
One Liner
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Humor – October 24
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday and said, “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish – on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear?”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull in the field. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer. The officer was clearly terrified.”
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”
One Liner
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
Humor – October 23
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters’ place.
They put up a big bold sign which read: “WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”
Not to be outdone, the old master barber put up his own sign: “WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”
One Liner
If God intended us to eat seafood, why did He hide it in the ocean?
Exodus 9:16
mikeshumor 