One Good Friday a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven.  St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
‘Come with me,’ said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
‘Oh my word, thank you,’ said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,’ said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’
‘Yes, that’s true.’ St Peter rejoined, ‘ But during your sermons people slept.  When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’

One Liner
:
What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Good Fry-day.

Thought for the day
:
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

“Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone but in every leaf in springtime.” Martin Luther

An 11-year-old boy was doing his violin practice at home and the torturous noise was making the dog howl.

Upstairs the boy’s father was trying to work on the computer. After putting up with the combined racket of the violin and the dog’s wailing for 20 minutes, the father eventually called out, “Jason, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

One Liner
Confidence is that feeling you have just before you fully understand the situation.

Thought for the day
“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” (2 Corinthians 5 NIV)

God’s love is within you, compelling you to good works. What good and godly work are you consistently compelled to do?

Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.

Yours sincerely,
Arnold
Age 8, Nashville

Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.

Sincerely,
Pete
Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God’s help or a new pitcher.

Thank you.
Alexander
Age 10, Raleigh

One LINER
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot.

Thought for the day
We see, then, that they were not able to enter the land, because they did not believe. Hebrews 3:19 (TEV)

The greatest tragedy this year would be for you to stand at the edge of your destiny, but to be afraid to enter into all that God has planned for you.  Your obedience in moving forward — to take risks and step out in faith – will release God’s power in your life.

The doctor finished his examination and asked the patient to step into his office.

“Sit down, Mr. Kaysen. After looking at these test results, I recommend that you have an operation immediately.”

The man thought for a moment, “How will this affect my hobby, Doctor?”
“What’s your hobby?”
“Saving money!”

One LINER
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

Thought for the day
“If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done” (Matthew 6:14-15 TEV).

The Bible says forgive and be forgiven. In fact, Jesus says, “If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done” (Matthew 6:15 TEV). They’re inter-related. It reminds me of the story where someone told John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, “I just can’t forgive that person! They hurt me too badly.” Wesley’s response was, “Then I hope you never sin.”

They say that a preacher’s wife is always his number one assistant.

An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon.  He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, “The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well, but,” he continued, “I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground.”

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, “Well, it sure did taxi long enough!”

One LINER
Has your city’s crime gotten so bad that citizens figure muggings into their budgets.

Thoughts for the day
“This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold” (1 Peter 1:6-7 PH).

As God delays, you’ll face two types of difficulties: circumstances and critics. This is a natural part of life. God designed it this way because He knows we grow stronger when facing adversity and opposition.

God does this because He is building our faith and character. When we finally come to a place where the difficulties become so bad, where we’ve reached our limit, where we’ve tried everything and exhausted all our options, it is then that God begins a mighty work through us.

My wife doesn’t complain often, but once she was having an old-fashioned “heart-to-heart” with me and said, “Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you’ll try to work on that.”

The last thing I remember was replying, “I’m sorry, what was that you were saying?”

One LINER
When people complain that they don’t get what they deserve, they don’t know how fortunate they are.

Thought for the day
“But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:7-8 NCV).

The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.