Check your bill
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying, and everything but lunch hours.

Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.

Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:

“For crossing the street to talk to you, then discovering it wasn’t you at all – $125.”

One Liner
Rearrange the letters in SLOT MACHINES and you get CASH LOST IN ME.

Thought for the day
2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (NIV).

The Bible is the most read book in history. It’s also the bestselling book in history and the most translated book in history.

Yet it’s more than that. It’s also God’s Word — God’s very breath. 

A young woman woke up one morning and told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

One Liner
Love may not make the world spin around, but it certainly makes a lot of people dizzy.

Thought for the day
“But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.” (James 1:22 NLT)

Christian meditation means thinking about Scripture. You meditate on Scripture in the same way a cow chews her cud: by chewing on it and chewing on it and chewing on it.

Three kids are sitting around the lunch table at school.

One says, “My dad’s a lawyer. People pay him $200 for letter with his opinion on it.”

Another says, “My dad’s a doctor. He writes prescriptions on a little sheet of paper and people pay him $300 for it.” 

The third says, “My dad’s a preacher. He writes a few notes a napkin, tells everyone and it takes 8 people to collect all the money.”

One Liner
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

Thought for the day
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22–23 (NIV)

 Since God’s compassion starts new every morning, you will never reach a point where his supply of love is exhausted

SIGNS YOU’RE GETTING OLDER

~ You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes referred to as “Old Folks MTV”).

~ You keep repeating yourself.

~ You discover bifocals are stylish.

~ When you do the “Hokey Pokey” you put your left hip out…and you can’t get it back around.

~ Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.

~ You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

~ Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”

~ People don’t harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.

~ Your social security number only has three digits.

~ In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

~ Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

~ No one expects you to run into a burning building.

~ Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card.

~ People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

~ There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

~ Things you buy now won’t wear out.

~ You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

One Liner
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Peter 2:9, “You are a chosen people” (NIV). That ought to raise your self-esteem! Christ has accepted you — not based on your performance, something that you earned, or something that you deserve. God simply says, “I chose you.”

If lawyers are disbarred
and clergymen defrocked,

doesn’t it follow that. . .

electricians could be delighted,
musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged,
models deposed,
and dry cleaners depressed?

Wouldn’t you expect laundry workers to decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted?

Likewise, bedmakers might be debunked,
baseball players debased,
bulldozer operators degraded,
organ donors delivered,
software engineers detested, and
underwear manufacturers debriefed.

And won’t all composers one day decompose?

On a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will someday be devoted.

One Liner
Good teachers are those who can challenge young minds without losing their own.

Thought for the day
“Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes” (Ephesians 4:23 NLT, second edition).

Let me sum it up this way: You are not what you think you are. Rather, what you think, you are.