Monthly Archives: November 2017

Humor – November 30

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.

One LINER
He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.

Thought for the day
While Peter was wondering about the meaning of the vision, the men sent by Cornelius found out where Simon’s house was and stopped at the gate. Acts 10:17 (NIV)

Oswald Chambers described God as the Great Engineer, creating circumstances to bring about moments in our lives of divine importance, leading us to such divine appointments.

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Humor – November 29

When you stop believing in Santa Claus
is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

One LINER
I told Santa you were good this year….and
He hasn’t stopped laughing since!

Thought for the day 
At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire. … All returned to their own towns to register for this census. (Luke 2:1, 3 NLT)

Can you believe it’s almost Christmas? Praise God for the gift of his Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, who was born as a baby in Bethlehem!

 

Humor – November 28

A little girl asked her father, “How did the human race come about?”

The father answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.”

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her father and says: “Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?”

The Father answers, “That’s simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side.”

One Liner
Bad thoughts are like germs. Build up your immunity!

Thought for the day
Job 37:5-6
God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’

Isn’t that a beautiful phrase! “God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.” Praise Him – praise Him!!!

Humor – November 27

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way home they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in.

He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers: “Yes.”

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “What about sugar diabetes. We both got bad cases.”

Pharmacist: “Oh, but of course. You name it with that condition and we have the works.”

Jacob: “You have loose bladder and gas pills?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, there are lots of those with plenty of generics.”

Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts.”

One Liner
Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 2?

Thought for the day  
“Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (Proverbs 20:30 GNT).

Failure has its benefits. It teaches you what doesn’t work. Thomas Edison, the great inventor, said, “Don’t call it a failure. Call it an education!”

Failure also causes you to reevaluate what’s important in life. God uses failure as one way to get you to reflect on the direction of your life.

Humor – November 24

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

“Great idea!” the chicken cried. “Let’s offer them ham and eggs?”

“Not so fast,” said the pig. “For you, that’s a contribution. For me, it’s a total commitment.”

One Liner
“A closed mouth gathers no foot.”

Thought for the day  
Two robbers were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left.  Matthew 27:38

Our Ministry model is THE CROSS.  Dying men on both sides, Jesus reached out 1 hand to a believer and another to an unbeliever.