Monthly Archives: February 2019

Humor – February 15

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you have any wittle wabbits?”

And the shopkeeper bends way down and puts his hands on his knees so he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a wittle bwack wabby?  Or maybe that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?”

She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet little voice, “I don’t fink my pyfon weally cares.”

One LINER
“The best mirror is an old friend.” – George Herbert

Thought of the day
Acts 25:18-19
But the accusations made against him weren’t any of the crimes I expected.  Instead, it was something about their religion and a dead man named Jesus, who Paul insists is alive.

Jewish leaders came from Jerusalem making serious accusations against Paul.  But when it came down to it – it wasn’t about any crime he had committed but that he claimed Jesus was alive and not dead!!  Would that be the only charge against you and I today?  We claim Jesus is alive in all our actions and speech!!

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Humor – February 14

Movie Seats

After I had purchased movie tickets for myself and my girlfriend, she went inside to find seats while I got some popcorn. By the time I was served, the previews were being shown. I stumbled my way through the dark, sat down, and gave my girlfriend a kiss.

Then I heard a familiar voice say, “John, I’m back here.”

One LINER
Sometimes I think I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Thought for the day
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. … For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 True Love!!

Humor – February 13

After receiving a beautiful haircut, a doctor asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?”

“Oh, I never charge a doctor,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.”

The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds a thank you note and a bottle of wine on his doorstep from the doctor.

Later that day, a police officer walks into the same barbershop. After a beautiful haircut, the police office asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?”

“Oh, I never charge a police officer,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.”

The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds a thank you note and a box of candy on his doorstep from the police officer.

Later that day, a pastor walks into the same barbershop. After a beautiful haircut, the pastor asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?”

“Oh, I never charge a pastor,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.”

The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds twelve pastors on his doorstep.

One LINER
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

Thought for the day
God gave us a free gift of salvation when Jesus took our sin upon himself. It’s a gift we must receive. The Bible says, “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12 NIV).

Humor – February 12

My husband was delighted when our 3-year-old daughter climbed up onto his knee and said, “Daddy, you’re handsome.” But his grin quickly faded when she added, “and I’m Gretel.”

One LINER
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number?

Thought for the day
“God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love . . . he sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins” (1 John 4:9–10 NLT).

Everything in life changes—relationships, jobs, fame. One minute you feel like a hero; the next minute you feel like a zero. But there’s one thing in the universe that will never change: God’s love.


Humor – February 11

TRUE LOVE

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room,

messes up your stuff,

eats your food,

uses your telephone,

takes your money,

and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or birthed it.

One LINER
DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it!

Thought for the day
“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:11-12 NIV).

To reach your goals, you have to figure out how to maintain your enthusiasm over the long haul.