Monthly Archives: August 2018

Humor – August 28

One day, an employee received an unusually large paycheck. She decided not to say anything about it.

The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss.

“How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake ­ but not two in a row!”

One Liner
Is there an exception to the rule that states “There is an exception to every rule”?

Thought for the day
We are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15 GNT).

The truth is that we bring most of our problems on ourselves. We just need to accept responsibility and quit blaming others. Every time we blame somebody else, we’re not admitting what the real problem is.


Humor – August 27

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.

She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.

Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.

“It’s really nothing,” he answered.

“The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling.”

One Liner
It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

Thought for the day
“Yet you made [humans] inferior only to yourself; you crowned them with glory and honor” Psalm 8:5

You were created by God, and God does not make junk.

Humor – August 24

We all know them. How to describe someone who’s…uh…you know…

– A few peas short of a casserole.
– Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box.
– Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
– Body by Fisher; brains by Mattel.
– Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
– Slinky’s kinked.
– Surfing in Nebraska.
– Too much yardage between the goal posts.
– Big like ox; smart like tractor.
– Room temperature IQ.
– One tire short of a Goodyear.
– Three dots short of an ink-blot test.
– Forgot to use the surge protector.
– The mental agility of a used soap dish.

One Liner
They say, “Wisdom comes with age,” but sometimes age comes alone.

Thought for the day
 “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you”   John 15:7

That’s a beautiful promise. But in Scripture, every promise has a premise. God promises to give us what we ask for — if we have an honest relationship with him.

Humor – August 23

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her injection.

“No, no, no!” she screamed.

Lizzie, scolded her mother, “Lizzie, that’s not polite behavior.”

With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”

One Liner
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Thought for the day
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it” John 14:13-14

God wants to answer your prayers, but he also wants you to ask in Jesus’ name.

Humor – August 22

This guy wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.

“I’ll tell you what,” he told her. “In the spirit of compromise, why don’t you name the boat?”

Being a good sport, she accepted.

When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: “For Sale.”

One Liner
Creditors have better memories than debtors.

Thought for the day
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

Radical gratitude means you’re going to walk through life being grateful in every situation, no matter what

Humor – August 21

One morning a call came in to the school office.

“Hello, please mark William absent today. He’s sick,” said the caller.

“Okay,” said the receptionist.  “May I ask who is speaking?”

“My uncle,” said William.

One Liner
Dain bramaged.

Thought for the day
“God gives rest to his loved ones” (Psalm 127:2b NLT).

Throughout the day, and when you sleep, your heavenly Father watches over you in love. Sleep is God’s gift, andto accept that gift is an act of trust. He restores your body and energy through sleep.

Humor – August 20

Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They promised whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did.

He said to Bob, “I have good news and bad news. I’ll tell you the good news first. There IS baseball in heaven.”

Bob said, “That’s the best news!”

Then Earl said, “Time for the bad news…you’re pitching tomorrow night.”

One Liner
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Thought for the day
“You have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him” (Ephesians 4:21 NLT).

The secret to personal change is not willpower. The secret is to know and face the truth. You must know and face the truth about yourself and your nature if you want to change.