Category Archives: humor

Humor – April 7

A guy goes into a fancy lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar, but the bouncer tells him he needs a necktie to get in.

The guy doesn’t have a necktie handy, so goes out to his car and gets his jumper cables. He ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the lounge.  The bouncer looks him up and down and then says, “Well, okay, I guess you can come in. Just don’t start anything.”

One Liner
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.

Thought for the day
Hebrews 12:1 NLT says, “Let us strip off every weight that slows us down”

Weights aren’t bad. They’re not sinful. They’re just unnecessary. It could be a job, a relationship, or a hobby. It’s something that slows you down from what God wants from your life. And it’s not worth it.

Humor – April 6

Smoky, our family cat, had gotten injured and needed to stay at the vet clinic for several days. Our three children were so concerned that several times a day, my wife and I had to reassure them that Smoky was safe and being cared for by the “animal doctor.”

Finally, we got the call that Smoky was ready to come home. Driving to the vet, it became clear that our four-year-old son, Ryan, had been doing a lot of thinking about Smoky’s absence when he asked, “Mom, what kind of animal is the doctor?”

One Liner
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Thought for the day
Practice the presence of Jesus. When you become aware of God’s presence in your life, fear will go away.

When God is near, you lose your fear. Why? Because God is love, and the Bible says: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear” 1 John 4:18 NIV  The more you feel loved by God, the less you’ll fear.

Humor – April 3

A nursery school teacher was delivering a minivan full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

One Liner
Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

Thought for the day
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18 NIV

Everyone has fears. Your problem isn’t that you’re afraid. It’s what you do with the fear that really matters.

Humor – April 2

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.

Sure enough, after only a short time of searching, he found a gas cap. He carefully wiped it off and slipped it into place with a satisfying click.

“Great,” he told his wife as he climbed back into the car, “I may have lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits and it’s even a better cap than the one I had – it locks…”

One Liner
Too many clicks spoil the browse.

Thought for the day
“Don’t copy the behavior or values of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” Romans 12:2 NLT

One reason you may not know what God wants you to do in life is because you may be too acculturated with this culture. Often this happens without you realizing it. But you can’t think like the world and think like God thinks. You have to make a choice.

The problem with following culture is that it’s all temporary. You need to follow something that is eternal: God’s Word.

Humor – March 31

A snail hitched a ride with a friendly turtle.  As they reached an intersection another turtle came along and rammed into them!

A cop came and questioned the snail: “What happened here?”

The little snail replied, “I don’t know — it all happened so fast.”

One Liner
You’re getting old when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way” Psalm 25:9 NIV

If you’ve never felt God guiding you, maybe it’s because you’ve never admitted that you need his guidance.

Humor – March 30

Preacher: “This morning’s worship went well, but I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground.”

Preacher’s wife: “Well, it sure did taxi long enough.”

One Liner
People are freaking out about toilet paper shortages and I’m over here like “I’m good, I bought a pack of gum at CVS.”

Thought for the day
Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done”

The antidote to worry is worship—to pray, praise God, and ask him for what you need.

Humor – March 27

I live across the street from a church.

When my wife’s puppy escaped from the backyard, we went looking for it.

She went off in the car, and I started to walk around the church, calling the dog’s name.

I didn’t think anything of it, until I noticed some strange looks from people walking in the area.

The dog’s name is Moses.

One Liner
A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

Thought for the day
So when the army of Judah arrived at the lookout point in the wilderness, all they saw were dead bodies lying on the ground as far as they could see. Not a single one of the enemy had escaped”  2 Chronicles 20:24 NLT

Sometimes life is like this, isn’t it? You have a seemingly insurmountable problem. You face your enemy and trust God to fight for you. Then you stand unarmed and watch as he wins the victory.