Category Archives: humor

Humor – July 17

During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he served for some months, his hat was passed around for a goodwill offering.

When it returned to the pastor, it was empty. The pastor didn’t flinch. He raised the hat to Heaven and said, “I thank You, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation.”

One Liner
The road to success is always under construction.

Thought for the day
“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3:1-7

No, we do not understand what is going on in this trying world, but God does.

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Humor – July 16

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, “Sister, this is a

silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.”

Sister Mary Katherine said,”Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Priest said, “We will get you a better bed.”

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. “You may say two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.

“It’s probably best,” said the Priest. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

One Liner
“The older I get the better I used to be.”

Thought for the day
“These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” Habakkuk 2:3, LB

Don’t get discouraged. When Habakkuk became depressed because he didn’t think God was acting quickly enough God said the above to Habakkuk …

Humor – July 15

I’ve been told that a way to feel better is to finish things I have started.
Today I finished 2 bags of potato chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.

One liner
“Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.”

Thought for the day
“Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” Ephesians 4:24 NIV

We must develop the habits of Jesus — Your character is essentially the sum of your habits; it is how you habitually act.

Humor – July 12

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy – Either way, you get your dog back!”

One Liner
What is the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.

Thought for the day
“In response to all he has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good” Hebrews 10:24 TLB

There’s a price tag for being a people-builder: It requires unselfishness.

Why should we do it then? Because the Bible tells us to “Outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good” (Hebrews 10:24 TLB).

At some point, the Romans confuse the word cristos with the word crestos. Cristos means Christ; Crestos, in Latin, means kindness. In a roundabout way, that confusion can teach us something: Christians should be the kindest of all people.

Humor – July 11

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr.Mike Wilson’s behavior.

Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu…………..””

Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Wilson keep doing that?”

“Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said. ”He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”

One Liner
“If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.”

Thought for the day
“And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us” 2 Corinthians 1:10 NLT

God is watching over you, so don’t listen to your fears. This is a choice. Trust God, and don’t give in to your fears.


Humor – July 10

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, “How long will it take me to get to the next town?”

The farmer didn’t answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again.

After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, “About 20 minutes.”

“Thank you. But why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?”

“Didn’t know how fast you could walk.”

One Liner
“We cannot avoid growing old, but we can avoid growing cold.”

Thought for the day
Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life. Matthew 20:28 (LB) 

For Christians, service is not something to be tacked onto our schedules if we can spare the time. It is the heart of the Christian life. Jesus came “to serve” and “to give”—and those two verbs should define your life on earth, too.

Humor – July 9

”Dentist Extras”

The Millers were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.

“No expensive extras, Doctor,” he ordered. “No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”

“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said the dentist admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”

Mr. Miller turned to his wife…

“Show him your tooth, Honey.”

One LINER
During a recent company password audit, it was found that a certain air-head was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy. When asked why such a big password, the employee said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place.” John 18:36

Being a part of His kingdom is knowing God.