Irritated Boss: “Can’t you hear that the phone is ringing?  You must answer the telephone!”

New Secretary: “All right, but it seems so silly.  Nine times out of ten, it’s for you.”

One Liner
Why do slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing?

Thought for today
“If you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you”  1 Peter 4:19 NLT

The most important thing you can remember when you’ve been treated unfairly is that Jesus is on your side.

Imagine the scene:  God sitting on His thrown.  A man standing in front of him next to scores of blackboards, whiteboards, electronic displays, and the like.  God is looking at the man with a very bored expression on His face.

He addresses the man, ”Okay, I said you could have all the time you needed to make your point.  Time is nothing to me here.  But explain to me once again how your presentation proves I don’t exist!”

One Liner
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda’ neat.

Thought for the day
“Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life” Proverbs 4:23 NCV

Every temptation starts in the mind

A man parks his bicycle nearby the Capitol in Washington, DC and walks on.

A police officer stops him and asks, “Why did you park your bicycle here? Don’t you know it is a VIP road and all congressmen and senators pass from here?”

Man replied, “Don’t you worry about it, I locked my bicycle!”

One Liner
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Thought for the day
“You are my friends if you do what I command”  John 15:14 NLT

You can’t say you love Jesus and then go live like the devil. You can’t say you’re a Christian and then keep on living a self-centered life. You can’t say you’re a follower of Jesus and then pick and choose the verses that you want to listen to and ignore the ones you don’t. Jesus says you’re his friend if you obey him and his commandments.

“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?”

Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

One Liner
If a vacuum really sucks, is that good?

Thought for the day
“You should know that loving the world is the same as hating God. Anyone who wants to be a friend of the world becomes God’s enemy” James 4:4 NCV

When James writes, “loving the world,” he means loving the value system of the world. God wants you to love people, but that doesn’t mean you have to love the world’s value system.

MY FORGETTER
My forgetter’s getting better
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say, “What am I here for?”
I rack my brain, but all in vain
A zero is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, “Who was that?”

Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.

One Liner
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Thought for the day
“Some of these people have missed the most important thing in life—they don’t know God” 1 Timothy 6:21 TLB

The key to a friendship with God is deciding whose friendship you want most.

A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently massaged cold cream on her face.

“Why are you rubbing that on your face, Mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Are you giving up?”

One Liner
All the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth.

Thought for the day
“Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him. With them alone he shares the secrets of his promises”  Psalm 25:14 TLB

Many people don’t know God. They haven’t experienced God’s love. They don’t know why he does what he does. Yet, the Bible says that friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him—in other words, those who slow down and spend time with him.

Who is smarter, you or your dog?

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works… If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is the smarter one.

One Liner
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Thought for the day
“God is not a God of disorder but of peace”  1 Corinthians 14:33 NIV

He is not the author of confusion. So if you’re feeling confused, guess what? It’s not God’s voice speaking in your life.

Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured.

One day, when my aunt’s name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. “I need to get your weight today,” said the nurse.

Without a moment’s hesitation, my aunt replied, “One hour and 45 minutes!”

One Liner
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

Thought for the day
“Your road led through the sea, your pathway through the mighty waters—a pathway no one knew was there!”  Psalm 77:19 NLT.

The Bible says God actively works through our circumstances. And so we cannot judge our situation apart from God’s wisdom. In other words, we must leave it up to God to interpret our circumstances.