Monthly Archives: January 2019

Humor – January 31

Dear [Interviewer’s Name]:

Thank you for your letter of [date of rejection letter].

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm.  This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm’s Name]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.  Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

One LINER
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 29:25
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

Fear is such a paralyzing emotion. But our courage comes from the Lords – He will never forsake or leave you. So step out of fear’s paralysis and turn its nervous edge into power.

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Humor – January 30

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”

But the bandit didn’t speak English and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish! Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message.

The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said, ‘Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me

One LINER
Before you criticize someone, make sure you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, you’re a mile away AND you have their shoes!

Thought for the day
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6 (NLT)

God says, “I’ve got this great life planned for you and surely goodness and mercy will follow you through it, BUT that’s not all of it! I’ve got something planned at the end!”

Humor – January 29

Lawyerese

The Wall Street Journal recently quoted the following comment by Robert H. Mundheim, general counsel of the U.S. Treasury Department.

“When an ordinary man wants to give an orange to another, he would merely say, ‘I give you this orange.’ But when a lawyer does it, he says it in this way:

‘Know all men by these presents that I hereby give, grant, bargain, sell, release, convey, transfer, and quitclaim all my right, title, interest, benefit, and use whatever in, of and concerning this chattel, otherwise known as an orange or citrus orantium, together with all the appurtenances thereto of skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice, to have and to hold the said orange together with its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice for his own use and behoove, to himself and his heirs in fee simple forever, free from a liens, encumbrances, easements, limitations, restraints, or conditions whatsoever, any and all prior deeds, transfers or other documents whatsoever, not or anywhere made to the contrary notwithstanding, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the said orange or give away the same, with or without its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds or juice.’

One Liner
“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”

Thought for the day
“Look out for the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24b NCV).

Kindness always begins with the eyes — the way you observe the world and are sensitive to the needs of other people.

Humor – January 28

My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Kayleigh a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him.

Several weeks later, while Kayleigh was at school, he disappeared again. She searched frantically … but never found the critter.

Hoping to make the loss less painful for Kayleigh, my niece took the cage out of her room. When Kayleigh came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother’s lap. “We have a serious problem,” she announced. “Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage.”

One Liner
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Thought for the day
“In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery” (Proverbs 28:23 TLB).

It’s scary to speak the truth in love. The reason why we stuff our feelings and hide the issues in our relationships is because we fear the possible consequences. We let fear become greater than our love. Speaking the truth in love means taking a great risk! And because we don’t want to take that risk, we settle for superficial, shallow relationships.


Humor – January 25

Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

His friend Sam watched as he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand new ball into the woods. On the second hole, Morris drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

“Why don’t you use an old ball?” Sam asked.

“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.

One Liner
“No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.”

Thought for the day
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19 (NIV)

In James (1:19), we’re taught three rules for confrontation: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

If you do the first two, the third one is automatic. If you’re quick to listen and you’re slow to speak, then you will be slow to anger.