All posts by mikeshumor

About mikeshumor

Michael May is the blogger of #mikeshumor. He is a Christ follower, husband, dad, XPastor, cyclist, cereal connoisseur, former Meridian Star paperboy. I would unfollow myself if I could. Roll Tide!

Humor – February 21

”Guardian Angel”

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.”

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.”

She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”

Yes! shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!

One LINER
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.

Thought for the day
Psalm 22:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

May our trust and confidence be in the name of the Lord and not in own power or possessions.  Our power is in the name of the Lord!

Advertisements

Humor – February 20

A three-year-old found his dad’s military identification tag and asked his mother what it was.

His mother replied, “It’s your father’s dog tag.”
The child then asked, “When was daddy a dog?”

One Liner
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.” – Anonymous

Thought for the day
Acts 24:24-25 Several days later Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was a Jewess. He sent for Paul and listened to him as he spoke about faith in Christ Jesus.  As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self‑control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.”

Paul spoke for Christ no matter where he was – here in prison he spoke for Christ before the Governor and his wife. Knowing full well the Governor could release him – yet Paul still focused on sharing the gospel and not thinking of himself. Who are we focused on today?

 

 


Humor – February 19

THREE SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

  1. Naps are good.
  2. Your parents’ jokes are funny.
  3. When things go wrong, you can’t just yell “Do-over!”

One LINER
Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

Thought for the day
Acts 23:1
Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, “My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day.

Paul looked them in the eye and gave a BOLD word for God. May we be so bold!!

Humor – February 18

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck.”

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage — frustration, anger, disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

One LINER
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

eWORD of the DAY
Acts 26:24

That was too much for Festus. He interrupted with a shout: “Paul, you’re crazy! You’ve read too many books, spent too much time staring off into space! Get a grip on yourself, get back in the real world!”

When you sell out to Jesus others will think you are crazy – checked out – not in touch – but the opposite is true! You are not crazy. Your both accurate and sane saying Jesus is the Way!

Humor – February 15

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you have any wittle wabbits?”

And the shopkeeper bends way down and puts his hands on his knees so he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a wittle bwack wabby?  Or maybe that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?”

She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet little voice, “I don’t fink my pyfon weally cares.”

One LINER
“The best mirror is an old friend.” – George Herbert

Thought of the day
Acts 25:18-19
But the accusations made against him weren’t any of the crimes I expected.  Instead, it was something about their religion and a dead man named Jesus, who Paul insists is alive.

Jewish leaders came from Jerusalem making serious accusations against Paul.  But when it came down to it – it wasn’t about any crime he had committed but that he claimed Jesus was alive and not dead!!  Would that be the only charge against you and I today?  We claim Jesus is alive in all our actions and speech!!