Monthly Archives: May 2016

Humor – May 31

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'”

One Liner
On difference between taxman and taxidermist? Taxidermist leaves skin on. -Mark Twain

Thought for the day
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

God pours his power into your life, giving you his strength to do what he’s called to do.

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Humor – May 30

Signs Spotted

On a fence, “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

At a car dealership, “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

One Liner
There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Thought for the day
Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of. Play it safe and end up holding the bag. Luke 19:26 (MSG)

We move forward in faith when we take risks, not just any kind of risk, but ones that are specifically directed by God. These God-nudges push us beyond living life by sight so that we will live life by faith.

Humor – May 27

“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday,” little Joshua said to his uncle. “It’s the best present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow replied. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!”

One Liner
I went to a doctor and he told me I was overweight. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, “Okay, you’re ugly too.”

Thought for the day
“Reverence for God gives a man deep strength; his children have a place of refuge and security.” (Proverbs 14:26 TLB)

Life is full of storms that batter us, bruise us, and beat us up. Life is very tough, and we all need a place of safety, security, peace, and protection. God has planned that our homes be that place.

Humor – May 26

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out.

The genie said “I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes.”

“Alright,” said the man, “I wish for more genies.”

One Liner
Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!

Thought for the day
“But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Habakkuk 2:3 LB)

Even as you make a decision to follow the dream God places in your heart, you can expect a delay. God will not fulfill your dream immediately, because this is another step toward building your faith.