Monthly Archives: November 2019

Humor – November 29

A mother took her daughter Carlene, who was not yet old enough to read, to the eye doctor for a check-up.

The doctor used pictures to help determine how well Carlene was seeing. He showed Carlene a picture of a horse and asked, “How many legs does this horse have?”

Instead of saying the expected answer of “four,” Carlene answered, “Same as any other horse!”

One Liner
Exercise works best early in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing.

Thought for the day
“It’s crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we’ve heard so that we don’t drift off” (Hebrews 2:1 The Message).

As you grow to spiritual maturity, you will have to cooperate with God in the process.

Humor – November 27

Thanksgiving Dinner on the Run
A woman called the Butterball Turkey Hotline to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.  To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed.  The woman responded, “I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.”

One Liner
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Thought for the day
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6 NLT).

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.

Humor – November 26

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.  Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!!  Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?

One Liner
I have something to say, but I don’t know what.

Thought for the day
“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars you set in place—what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? . . . O LORD, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!” (Psalm 8:3-4, 9 NLT).

There’s an old rhyme that says, “Two men looked out from prison bars. One saw mud, the other saw stars.” In other words, one inmate looked down in despair, but the other one looked up in hope.

 

Humor – November 25

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the legs for dinner and there were never enough for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together: “Well I finally did it. I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I could never catch the dang thing!”

One Liner
He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death”

You don’t have to accept everything you feel, because not everything you feel is right or authentic or will lead you in the right direction.