Monthly Archives: September 2015

Humor – September 30

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

One Liner
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. –Carol Leifer

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: “I pray these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13b GW).

Humor – September 29

Little Ricky and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Ricky received his plate, he started eating right away. ‘Ricky! Please wait until we say our prayer.’ said his mother. ‘I don’t need to,’ the boy replied.. ‘Of course, you do,’ his mother insisted. ‘We always say a prayer before eating at our house.’ ‘That’s at our house,’ Ricky explained. ‘But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!’

One Liner
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one” (John 17:15 NLT).

Humor – September 28

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, ‘We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?’ One child blurted out, ‘Aces!’

One Liner
Don’t worry about old age – it doesn’t last that long.

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: “Make them ready for your service through your truth; your teaching is truth” (John 17:17 NCV).

Humor – September 25

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had disappeared.

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where did you go???”

The husband calmly replied, “Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said, ‘Baby, it’ll be yours one day’?”

Wife, with a smile blushing, said, “Yes, I remember that, my love.”

“Well, I’m at the Home Depot next to that shop.”

One Liner
Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Thought for the day
If you only love on and off like a light switch, you do not love others like God wants you to love. Jesus said, “If you only love those who love you, what credit is that to you?” (Luke 6:32a NIV)

His point is this: All of us can love those who love us back. Becoming a master lover means you learn to love the unlovable – when you love people who don’t love you, when you love people who irritate you, when you love people who stab you in the back or gossip about you.

Humor – September 24


(The answers are names of flowers.)

Answers in tomorrow’s Funny!

1. How might you describe a silent person?

2. Name for a lady who marries for riches.

3. Everyone has these on their face.

4. You might find one of these on a safari.

5. An appropriate gift for a banker.

6. A fastener on a single man’s coat.

7. A country of automobile lovers.

8. Good name for a guy’s biking club.

9. He’s an awfully sugary bill.

10. They’re the dairy best blooms.

11. A peevish fairytale creature.

12. A woman’s nightly footwear.

13. They hate to wait.

14. A fine looking jungle ruler.

15. Cross between a violin and a clarinet.

One Liner
Necessity is the mother of circumvention.

Thought for the day
“Wise people live in wealth and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it.” Proverbs 21:20 (TEV)

If we want God’s blessing on our finances, we must learn to save and invest for the future. We need to save regardless of income because the point is that God is teaching us to be disciplined and wise with our money. He is teaching us to live on less than we make each month so that we can intentionally put away some to save.

Humor – September 23

Answers to yesterday’s Riddle For Gardeners:

1. Mum

2. Marigold

3. Tulips

4. Tiger Lilies

5. Money Plants

6. Bachelor’s Button

7. Carnation

8. Cyclamen

9. Sweet William

10. Buttercups

11. Snapdragon

12. Lady’s Slipper

13. Impatient

14. Dandelion

15. Violet

One Liner
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Thought for the day
Jesus endured the cross because of his vision — “the joy set before him” (Hebrews 12:2 NIV).

Oswald Chambers says the thing that keeps us going for God, even when everything or everyone around us is tumbling and stumbling, is our vision of God, not our devotion to principles or our devotion to duty.

Humor – September 22

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

One Liner
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old – squash their toes with your rocker.”

Thought for the day
A servant must always be standing by for duty: “No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:4 NASB).

If you only serve when it’s convenient for you, you’re not a real servant. Real servants do what’s needed, even when it’s inconvenient.

Humor – September 21

Recently in traffic court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed policeman had given his okay for the man to park there.

The judge asked the man if he would recognize the officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The judge then said, “Good. When you see the officer again, tell him he owes you $157. Next.”

One liner
A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.

Thought for the day
“If you are true and faithful to the Most High, people will resent your unflinching devotion because it is a testimony against their iniquity.” – Charles Spurgeon