“Red Tape”

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone.

“Fine,” I said. “I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn’t have?”

“It wasn’t a boy,” came the reply.

One LINER
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”

Thought for the day
Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Our sins stand in awful contrast to the glory of God. They make us stand in need of his redemption.

Judy was having trouble with her computer at work so she called Joe, the company’s computer guy, over to her desk.

Joe clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem quickly.

As he was walking away, Judy called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

And he replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”

A puzzled expression ran over Judy’s face, “An ID ten T error? What’s that…in case I need to fix it again?”

He gave her a grin, “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No,” replied Judy.

“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”

So she did…

I D 1 0 T

One LINER
You don’t stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing.

Thought for the day
I Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Great Worry Free Advice!

“Collateral”

I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo.

“Leave some ID, a driver’s license or a credit card,” she said.

“But my husband is here getting a haircut,” I explained.

“Yes,” she replied. “But I need something you’ll come back for.”

One LINER
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

Thought for the day
I Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous 
and his ears are attentive to their prayer, 
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

God can’t take His eyes off of you – if you are obeying Him. Yet He turns his face on those doing evil.

Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. 
”Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. 
”Ah, praise the Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

One LINER
Irish Blessing 
May the Good Lord take a liking to you… but not too soon!

Thought for the day
Psalm 39:6-7
We are merely moving shadows,
  and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth,
  not knowing who will spend it.
 And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
  My only hope is in you. 

Busy rushing ends in nothing ….. instead let your only hope be in God! Life is but a breath!!!

Parish Change

A minister who had been with the same parish for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church.

When he spoke to the congregation he said, “The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church.”

The choir stood and sang, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”

One LINER
Honk if you love Jesus! Text while driving if you want to meet Him.

Thought for the day
Psalm 43:5
Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? 
Why are you crying the blues? 
Fix my eyes on God— 
soon I’ll be praising again. 
He puts a smile on my face. 
He’s my God.

Don’t get down in the dumps or crying the blues I instead fix your eyes on God – He puts a SMILEY on your FACE!

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Good, what are we having for breakfast?” asked the new husband.

“Toast and juice,” she replied.

One Liner
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder or camera phone these days that no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

Thought for the day
Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds: they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren’t you worth much more than birds?” (GNT).

Birds don’t do anything except “birdy” things. They tweet. They fly around. But they don’t sow or reap. Yet God still feeds them.

If God feeds the birds, he’ll feed you. Why worry?