Monthly Archives: October 2019

Humor – October 21

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.”

This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

One Liner
Why is the letter “W” in English pronounced “double-U”? Shouldn’t it be called “double-V”?

Thought for the day
“It is the Lord who gives wisdom; from him come knowledge and understanding” Proverbs 2:6 GNT

You don’t get it from television. You don’t get it from the internet. You don’t get it from magazines. Wisdom comes from God.

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Humor – October 18

Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him.

His friend, Bob, noticed a dramatic change and asked “What happened? Nothing seems to worry you anymore.”

“I hired a professional worrier and I haven’t had a worry since,” replied Jack.

“That must be expensive,” Bob replied.

“He charges $5,000 a month,” Jack told him.

“$5,000!!? How can you afford to pay him?” exclaimed Bob.

“Hmmm, I don’t know. That’s his problem.”

One Liner
Why waste time reliving the past when you can spend it worrying about the future?

Thought for the day
”A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (Proverbs 15:14 NLT).

If you want to become wise, the first thing you have to do is feast on God’s Word every day.


Humor – October 17

In Sunday School the topic was how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, “Johnny, what’s the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

One Liner
You didn’t drop that thing; you abandoned it to the unchecked forces of gravity.

Thought for the day
“Remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’” Acts 20:35 NLT

Notice Jesus didn’t say it is not a blessed thing to receive. It does make you happy to receive. But the world will tell you that you will be happiest when you receive. Jesus turned that idea around and said that you will be happier when you give than when you receive.

Humor – October 16

College student: “Hey, Dad — I’ve got some great news for you!”

Father: “What, son?”

College student: “Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?”

Father: “I certainly do.”

College student: “Well, you get to keep it!”

One Liner
You know you’re senile when you start quoting yourself. Wait, you’re only senile if you don’t know you’re quoting yourself.

Thought for the day
He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward” Hebrews 11:26

Moses made a value judgment. He clarified what mattered most to him.

Humor – October 15

I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.

“How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?” asked one new jumper.

“A good question,” replied the instructor. “At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

The jumper thought about this for a while before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

One Liner
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Thought for the day
“A hot-tempered man … gets into all kinds of trouble” Proverbs 29:22 TLB

Most of us have seen someone do something really stupid because that person was angry. The Bible is very specific on the cost of anger. The Bible says:

  • It causes arguments (Proverbs 15:18).
  • It causes mistakes (Proverbs 14:29).
  • It causes foolish things (Proverbs 14:17).