Monthly Archives: August 2020

Humor – August 31

On her 97th birthday, a British lady received many letters and cards of congratulations, including one from the prime minister congratulating her on her 107th birthday.

The next year as her birthday approached, she was asked by a casual acquaintance how old she’d be.

“I really don’t know,” she replied. “I haven’t heard from the government yet.”

One Liner
My doctor says I have the body of a 16-year old … dog.

Thought for the day
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 NIV

Sometimes the only appropriate, logical response to life is grief. The Bible says you are to grieve over your losses, including your disappointments, your sin, the suffering in the world, and your friends who are spiritually lost. God doesn’t expect you to be happy all the time. In fact, he wants you to be intentional in your grief.

Humor – August 31

A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you.”

“Nonsense,” said the pastor, in a flattered tone.

“No, really,” said the old lady, “I’ve been here under five different ministers, and each one has been worse than the last.”

One Liner
Exercise? I thought you said, “Extra fries.”

Thought for the day
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

One of the best strategies for de-escalating conflict is also one of the scariest things you can do: Asking God to give you a clear picture of yourself.

Humor – August 28

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. 

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

One Liner
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 

Thought for the day
“My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 ESV).

Your job shouldn’t be your security. Your job is a channel, but God is your source. If you understand this, you’ll have so much less stress in your life. Let me say it again: Your job is a channel, but God is the source of your supply

Humor – August 27

A father of 3 daughters was worried when they started dating — and was relieved when all the boys they brought home were pleasant and well mannered.

He felt good about this until he mentioned it to to one of this daughters.

“You know, Dad,” she replied, “we don’t show you everybody.” 

One Liner
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 

Thought for the day
“Look out for the good of others” 1 Corinthians 10:24 NCV

If you want to serve people through ministry, you need to slow down and observe the world. It helps you be sensitive to the needs of other people.

Humor – August 26

1st customer: I’ll have tea.

2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the cup is clean!

(The waiter exits, and then returns after a while.)

Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean cup?

One Liner
I told my parents they’re famous now. I asked my dad who should play him in the movie and his answer did not disappoint: 

“Clint Eastward.”

Thought for the day
“Jesus told him, ‘Go and do likewise’” Luke 10:37 NIV

If you want to serve others the way Jesus serves you, then toss your schedule out the window. People need you when they need you. You must be willing to be interrupted.

Humor – August 25

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

One Liner
No matter which way you go, it’s uphill and against the wind.

Thought for the day
“Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God’s hand for that person. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” Proverbs 3:27-28 The Message/GNT

Love is something you do. Love doesn’t just say, “I feel sorry for what happened to that guy. Isn’t it a shame? Isn’t that too bad?” Love seizes the moment.

Humor – August 24

Today more and more cities have red light cameras, to take photos of cars running red lights. 

In one particular city, a man received a ticket in the mail along with a picture of himself in a car, running the red light. The fine was $700. 

So the man, thinking that this just wasn’t right, got two $100 bills, took a picture of them, and sent in the picture to the police. 

One week later he received a picture of a pair of handcuffs. He promptly sent the money that day.

One Liner
The brain is amazing. It begins from the time we are born, and works 24 hours a day 365 days a year right up to the time you get up to speak in public.

Thought for the day
“But his plans endure forever; his purposes last eternally” Psalm 33:11 GNT

God’s unlimited resources are available to you. Twenty times in the New Testament it says, “Ask.” Isn’t it encouraging to know that things out of our control are not out of God’s control? You may not be able to change a situation, but you can pray and God can change it.