Monthly Archives: April 2018

Humor – April 30

Test Your IQ
Test your IQ with this situation:

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully expresses
himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how
should he express himself?

Think and then scroll down for the answer.

.
.

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

If you got this wrong, well, let’s just say you failed the test….

One Liner
“Trouble is usually produced by those who do not produce anything else.” 

Thought for the day
“Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home …. If you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven? …. You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money” (Luke 16:9-14 NLT).

It’s easy to give your time, energy, or money when you have a lot to spare. But the true test of generosity comes7 when you don’t have a surplus. Do you still give what little you have to help somebody else? If you do, congratulations! You’ve passed God’s test of generosity.

Why does God test your generosity? Because you were made in his image, so if you’re going to become like Jesus, you need to learn how to be generous. If you don’t, you’ll never grow to maturity, and you will never have the blessing of God on your life.

 

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Humor – April 27

A three-year-old found his dad’s military identification tag and asked his mother what it was.

His mother replied, “It’s your father’s dog tag.”

The child then asked, “When was daddy a dog?”

One LINER
“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.” – Anonymous

Thought for the day
Acts 24:24-25 Several days later Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was a Jewess. He sent for Paul and listened to him as he spoke about faith in Christ Jesus.  As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self‑control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.”

Paul spoke for Christ no matter where he was – here in prison he spoke for Christ before the Governor and his wife.  Knowing full well the Governor could release him – yet Paul still focused on sharing the gospel and not thinking of himself.  Who are we focused on today?

 

Humor – April 26

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in Southern Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, ma fren, I ain’t got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim ’round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s de truth ma’ fren. I’ll show you. It really works.”

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” Said the Cajun.

“When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH!”

“What fish?”

One LINER
“I don’t make jokes, “Will Rogers once said truthfully. “I just watch the government and report the facts.”

Thought for the day
“This will continue until we are . . . mature, just as Christ is, and we will be completely like him” (Ephesians 4:13 CEV).

Spiritual maturity is neither instant nor automatic; it is a gradual, progressive development that will take the rest of your life as God helps you make healing choices.

 

Humor – April 25

Someone Must Labor

During a stay with grandparents, my five-year-old niece Michaela pulled corn on a neighbor’s farm for the first time. Her grandparents used the experience as a teaching tool, explaining to Michaela that the corn was God’s blessing to them.

At first, the work was great fun, but after only a few minutes Michaela looked at her grandmother and commented, “You know you can buy this in the grocery store, don’t you?”

One LINER
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Thought for the day
“It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others” (Ephesians 2:10 LB).

God calls you to a service far beyond anything you could ever imagine. You were put on earth to make a contribution.

Humor – April 24

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a sign on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way, you get your dog back!”

One LINER
Don’t insult the alligator until after you cross the river.

Thought for the day
“Work hard at living in peace with others” (1 Peter 3:11 NLT).

It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant.