Monthly Archives: March 2016

Humor -March 31

The lady woke her husband up one Sunday morning. “Come on, time to get ready for church.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes you do.”

“I just want to sleep in for ONE Sunday, PLEASE.”

“No. You can sleep in tomorrow.”

“Why do I HAVE to get up and go to church EVERY Sunday?”

“Well, you’re the pastor.”

One Liner
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Thought for the day
“Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, ‘We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.'” (Numbers 13:30 NIV)

God wants you confident in the truth that, through him, all things are possible.

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Humor – March 30

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

Turning to a co-worker he said, “I wonder how long he’s been waiting to cross?”

One Liner
Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.

Thought for the day
God deeply desires that we know him intimately. In fact, he planned the universe and orchestrated history, including the details of our lives, so that we could become his friends. The Bible says, “He made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him” (Acts 17:26–27 MSG).

Humor – March 29

Jimmy was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Jimmy answered.

“I’d like to talk to your mother or father,” said the teacher.

“Sorry, but they ain’t here,” he told her.

“Jimmy!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?”

“Beats me,” Jimmy replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!”

One Liner
The greatest of all faults is to imagine you have none.

Thought for the day
Know whom you want to please (John 5:30) — Jesus never let the fear of rejection manipulate him. No one can pressure you without your permission. You can’t please everyone; even God can’t!

Know what goals you need to reach (John 8:14) — Jesus said, “I know where I came from and where I am going.” Preparation prevents pressure, but procrastination produces it. You work by either priorities or pressures.

Humor – March 28

A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly.

One morning at breakfast she mentioned, “On Friday we’re having a quiz on the moon.”

Her little brother piped up: “Are you gonna let her go, Mom??”

One Liner
A full year of experience takes a full year of experience.

Thought for the day
Know how to maintain your priorities (Luke 4:42–44) — Jesus knew how to handle interruptions without being distracted from his primary goal.

He is Risen!

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“Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?” But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭16:2-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬