CHRISTMAS IQ TEST

Find your Christmas IQ, and forward to friends and family so they can find theirs! No cheating! (That’s not the Christmas spirit! But the answers are at the bottom
) May these precious moments put more sock in your stocking, more egg in your nog, and more curl in your bow…

Each answer is a title from a famous Christmas song:

1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink (10 points)

2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance (10 points)

3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent (10 points)

4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table (10 points)

5. Southern ladies in AARP (10 points)

Bonus: The song of septuplets (25 points)

ANSWERS:

1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink: “Frosty the Snowman” (10 points) 

2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance: “Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer” (10 points)

3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent: “Joy to the World!” (10 points)

4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table: “Silent Night (Knight!)” (10 points)

5. Southern ladies in AARP: “Silver Bells (Belles!)” (10 points)

BONUS: The song of septuplets: “What Child is this?” (25 points) 

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TOTAL SCORE 

75 points = Some would say you’re a Christmas genius. Others would say you really need to get a life.

50 – 65 points = You probably cheated…but hey, way to go. You must really like “The Far Side”

30 – 40 points = Good job. Your Christmas I.Q. is way above average.

10 – 20 points = You’re normal. Be grateful.

0 points = Thanks for playing. Try again next year…

One Liner

If your grandma got run over by a reindeer, you may be entitled to compensation.

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

Little Johnny interrupted, “My dad looked back once, while he was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and he turned into a telephone pole!”

One Liner
I submitted ten puns to a contest, hoping one might win the prize, but no pun in ten did.

Thought for the day
Isaiah 43:7 says, “Bring to me all the people who are mine, whom I made for my glory, whom I formed and made” (NCV).

If you didn’t bring glory to God, you wouldn’t be alive. God made you to enjoy you!

Lawyerese

The Wall Street Journal recently quoted the following comment by Robert H. Mundheim, general counsel of the U.S. Treasury Department.

“When an ordinary man wants to give an orange to another, he would merely say, ‘I give you this orange.’ But when a lawyer does it, he says it in this way:

‘Know all men by these presents that I hereby give, grant, bargain, sell, release, convey, transfer, and quitclaim all my right, title, interest, benefit, and use whatever in, of and concerning this chattel, otherwise known as an orange or citrus orantium, together with all the appurtenances thereto of skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice, to have and to hold the said orange together with its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice for his own use and behoove, to himself and his heirs in fee simple forever, free from a liens, encumbrances, easements, limitations, restraints, or conditions whatsoever, any and all prior deeds, transfers or other documents whatsoever, not or anywhere made to the contrary notwithstanding, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the said orange or give away the same, with or without its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds or juice.’

One Liner
“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”

Thought for the day
“Look out for the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24b NCV).

Kindness always begins with the eyes — the way you observe the world and are sensitive to the needs of other people.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

One Liner
Sign in a John Deere sales office: The only machine we don’t stand behind is our manure spreader.

Thought for the day
“But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. . . . Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.” James 1:6, 8

For every ten dreamers in the world, there is only one decision maker. A lot of people have dreams but they never get to Step Two—making the decision to trust God and follow their dream.

My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience.

“Where have you worked as a glazier?” my son asked.

The man replied, “Dunkin’ Donuts.”

One Liner
“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”

Thought for the day
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” Romans 12:3b

The first and greatest barrier to change in any area of your life is pride.

“Coffee Choices”

In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to the living room and asked, “Does anyone want a cup of coffee?”

“Yes please!” we said.

He replied, “What kind of coffee do you want? Capitated or decapitated?”

One Liner
It’s easy finding reasons why other folks should be patient.

Thought for the day
“We don’t know everything, and our prophecies are not complete. . . . Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face. We don’t know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understand us”  1 Corinthians 13:9, 12 

It might not make sense now — but one day it’s all going to be clear. It’s all going to make sense. You’re going to be able to say, “So that’s why God allowed that in my life!” Until then, God wants you to trust him.