Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”

The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

One Liner
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot. If you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” (Luke 16:10a, 12 NCV)

Kids respond to responsibility. Having talked to many parents over the years and seen this in my own life, I believe that it’s far better to err on the side of giving too much responsibility than not trusting your kids enough. They’re going to make mistakes either way! Your goal is to produce a person who walks not just under his own self control but also under God’s control.

An airhead went to Florida to go to Disney World.

On the way, he saw a sign that said “Disney World Left.”

So he went home.

One Liner
I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.

Thought for the day
Luke 12:15, Jesus said, “Life is not measured by how much one owns” (NCV). Don’t confuse your net worth with your self worth. They are totally unrelated. Don’t confuse your possessions with your position in Christ and your purpose. Don’t confuse what you’re living on with what you’re living for.

The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, said he would drive her if she’d direct him to the school.

They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time. Several blocks later she told him to turn again. After 20 minutes of turn after turn, they finally reached the school. At that point, the father realized they were only a few blocks from their home. Extremely annoyed, he asked his daughter why she had led him around in such circles.

“But, daddy,” the child protested, “that’s the way the school bus goes, and it’s the only way I know.”

One Liner
I am not evil. Just divinely challenged.

Thought for the day
“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35 NIV)

To have an effective quiet time, you must pick a specific time to meet with the Lord each day and decide how long it should be. The general rule is this: The best time is when you are at your best!

The object of this exercise is to see if you can find the hidden image in the group of characters below. It takes some close concentration, but it’s worth it. You’ll be quite surprised when you see what it is.

{{{{{{{

===**++++*****+++++++++++????????/////////////%

\\\\\\$%^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^***********#$$$$$$$$$$$$$

!!!!!!!!!!!##########*********%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%)))))

&&&&&&**********^^^^^^^^^%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%}}|||||||]]]<><><><>%%

\=///////^^!~~~~::—)))))——————–=============

====||\\\\\/////////*****<><><><><><><>{}{}{}{}[][][]

[]%%%$$$&&$$&$$===~|~|~|~|====++(*^*^*^*^*^*^*)———-%%%

Think about what you think it is, and then scroll to the bottom for the answer!

You know what it is?

Give up?

Okay, I’ll give you one more chance if you don’t know. Scroll back up and put your nose right up on the screen, then slowly back away while staring at the picture. That usually makes it easier for most people.

Then scroll down to see if you’re right.

OK! Here’s the answer for you:

IT’S NOTHING!!

I hope someone walked by and saw you pressing your nose against the screen and looking at it cross-eyed! Getting quite a visual here!!

SMILE!

My wife coordinates get-well gifts for our church members who are in the hospital.

Recently she visited a member who was recuperating from a kidney stone operation. Not knowing the nature of his illness, she presented him with a copy of Max Lucado’s book, “He Still Moves Stones.”

One Liner
“How can the world end in 2014 when I have yogurt that expires in 2015?”

Thought for the day
“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” (Mark 1:35).

In the Bible, many godly men and women rose early to meet with God. Some of these were:

Abraham (Genesis 19:27)
Moses (Exodus 34:4)
Job (Job 1:5)
Hannah and Elkanah (1 Samuel 1:19)
Jacob (Genesis 28:18)
David (Psalm 5:3; 57:7,8)

The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.

After the service a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said “Now, now, Carolyn, don’t carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me”.

“Yeah”, she said “That’s what they said the LAST time too!!!”

One Liner
No matter how much I exercise my body, it refuses to go away and leave me alone.

Thought for the day
If you’re a Christian, pay close attention to Ephesians 1:4-5: “Even before the world was made, God had already chosen us to be his through our union with Christ, so that we would be holy and without fault before him. Because of his love God had already decided that through Jesus Christ he would make us his children—this was his pleasure and purpose” (GNT).

Do you realize that when God looks at you, he sees you through Jesus Christ? When Jesus died on the cross, he paid for all of your sins, so you are forgiven and they are forgotten.

“What the heck is going on here?” said an angry man storming into the florist shop. “I just lost one of my main clients and it’s your fault!” “Why don’t you calm down a bit” said the lady behind the counter, “and let us know what exactly happened.” “Well,” said the man “My biggest client moved to a new location, and to be nice I called you guys up and asked you to send him some flowers with a note saying “congratulations on your new location.” He calls me up and says to me “what’s the big deal with sending me a note that says “rest in peace?!” “Oh no!” she sighed, “now I know why I got a nasty message from the funeral parlor!”

One Liner
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. – Phyllis Diller

Thought for the day
The Bible says that God speaks to people who do three things. “Listen to this wise advice; follow it closely, for it will do you good, and you can pass it on to others” (Proverbs 22:17 LB).

God speaks to those who listen to what he says, follow it closely, and then pass it on to others.