Humor – July 7

My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.  Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.

“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find our interior walls covered with frost.

My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept warm in the winter.

After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. “For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve spent the winter in Florida.”

One Liner
First time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s NOT mess this up!

Thought for the day
“God’s family is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:15 GW).

You are called to belong, not just believe.

Humor – July 6

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, “The choir was awful this morning.”

The father commented, “The sermon was too long.”

Their 7-year-old daughter added, “You’ve got to admit it was a pretty good show for only a dollar.”

One Liner
It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

Thought for the day
‘Do not be worried and upset,’ Jesus told them. ‘Believe in God and believe also in me’” John 14:1 GNT

You don’t have to go the rest of your life in constant worry, being uptight, having your stomach in a knot, or feeling tense. Anything that’s learned can be unlearned. So let’s start unlearning worry!

Humor – July 3

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “Why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t approve.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.

Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him.”

One Liner
If the front of your car says “DODGE,” do you really need a horn?

Thought for the day
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” Matthew 6:25 NIV

God is the source of everything you need to live. He is the Good Shepherd who feeds, leads, and meets your needs. You don’t have to look anywhere else.

Humor – July 2

Two friends drove by a gas station.

The first one says, “These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!”

The second replies, “It doesn’t affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth.”

One Liner
Just when you think you’ve won the rat race, along come faster rats.

Thought for the day
“God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus”  Philippians 4:19 ESV

God, however, is never lost. And there is nothing you need that God can’t supply.

Humor – July 1

Two cab drivers met.

“Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”

“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”

One Liner
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

Thought for the day
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”  Proverbs 15:1 NIV

Gentleness defuses conflict. It deescalates anger.

When someone raises their voice in anger, instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let your gentle answer disarm the other person and diffuse the situation.

Humor – June 30

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She’s still laughing.

One Liner
I can’t exercise, because when I do, I start to sweat and burn off fat; it smells like bacon and makes me hungry.

Thought for the day
“You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?.”   James 2:19-20 NLT

Did you know the Devil believes in Jesus? So do the demons. But you won’t find any of them in heaven.

Why? Because saying you believe in Jesus doesn’t mean you have faith in him. It also doesn’t mean you trust him to fulfill his promises.

James says faith is more than just intellectual knowledge. Faith is something you do. It’s active, not passive. Real faith involves making a commitment to trust in Jesus

Humor – June 29

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.

When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.

“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his father told him.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go and He shows up.”

One Liner
I just finished my 90-day trial of 2020. How do I cancel?

Thought for the day
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”
1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV

God wants you to have non-believers as friends. He wants you to love everyone, show kindness to everyone, and help everyone you can. If you don’t have any non-Christian friends, you won’t be around anyone you can share the Good News with.

But your best friends should be Christians. They should be strong believers.