Humor – September 7

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While putting my 4-year-old daughter to bed one evening, I read her the story of the Prodigal Son. We discussed how the young son had taken his inheritance and left home, living it up until he had nothing left. Finally, when he couldn’t even eat as well as pigs, he went home to his father, who welcomed him.

When we finished the story, I asked my daughter what she had learned. After thinking a moment, she quipped, “Never leave home without your credit card!”

One Liner
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”

Humor – September 4

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A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

“They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the guy. “It said `FINE FOR PARKING HERE`.”

One Liner
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old – squash their toes with your rocker.”

Humor – September 3

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the

lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the

manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. ‘But why,’ they

asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting

in an open foyer.’

One Liner
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can’t find them.

Humor – September 2

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Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings.

One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it.

The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

One Liner
“Background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.”

Humor – September 1

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Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied…

One Liner
Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel.

Humor – August 31

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Joan’s husband likes to sing. He decided to join the church choir. From time to time he would practice in the shower or getting dressed or preparing a meal.

Whenever he would start in on a song, Joan would head outside to the porch.

Her husband, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Joan? Don’t you like my singing?”

Joan replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

One Liner

A burglar broke info our house. I put the little red light on his chest and the cat took care of the rest.