Humor – July 17

During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he served for some months, his hat was passed around for a goodwill offering.

When it returned to the pastor, it was empty. The pastor didn’t flinch. He raised the hat to Heaven and said, “I thank You, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation.”

One Liner
The road to success is always under construction.

Thought for the day
“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3:1-7

No, we do not understand what is going on in this trying world, but God does.

Humor – July 16

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, “Sister, this is a

silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.”

Sister Mary Katherine said,”Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Priest said, “We will get you a better bed.”

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. “You may say two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.

“It’s probably best,” said the Priest. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

One Liner
“The older I get the better I used to be.”

Thought for the day
“These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” Habakkuk 2:3, LB

Don’t get discouraged. When Habakkuk became depressed because he didn’t think God was acting quickly enough God said the above to Habakkuk …

Humor – July 15

I’ve been told that a way to feel better is to finish things I have started.
Today I finished 2 bags of potato chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.

One liner
“Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.”

Thought for the day
“Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” Ephesians 4:24 NIV

We must develop the habits of Jesus — Your character is essentially the sum of your habits; it is how you habitually act.

Humor – July 12

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy – Either way, you get your dog back!”

One Liner
What is the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.

Thought for the day
“In response to all he has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good” Hebrews 10:24 TLB

There’s a price tag for being a people-builder: It requires unselfishness.

Why should we do it then? Because the Bible tells us to “Outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good” (Hebrews 10:24 TLB).

At some point, the Romans confuse the word cristos with the word crestos. Cristos means Christ; Crestos, in Latin, means kindness. In a roundabout way, that confusion can teach us something: Christians should be the kindest of all people.