Psalm3:3

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Humor – November 17

The father of a family – who is a big-time techie – got his oldest daughter an iPhone for her birthday.

He also got an iPad for his son. Later an iPod for the youngest daughter.

So when his anniversary rolled around, he got his wife an iRon.

That’s when the fight began.

One Liner
I’m gonna miss Kadafi’s outfits. He makes Lady Gaga look like Johnny Cash.

Thought for the day
“Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you” (Revelation 2:5a NIV).

If you’re getting proud, you must repent. That means you change your mind. You go from thinking one way about your life to thinking another way.

 

Humor – November 16

Why It’s Great to be a Dog

1) No one expects you to take a bath every day.
2) If it itches, you can scratch it.
3) There’s no such thing as bad food.
4) A rawhide bone can entertain you for hours.
5) If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
6) You can lie around all day without worrying about being fired.
7) You don’t get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap.
8) You’re always excited to see the same people.
9) Having big feet is considered an asset.
10) Puppy love can last.

One Liner
“The Golfer’s Diet: Live on greens as much as possible.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Some of these people have missed the most important thing in life — they don’t know God” (1 Timothy 6:21a TLB).

You might know string theory. You might know chaos theory. You might know quantum physics. But if you don’t know God, you’ve missed the purpose of your life.

 

Humor – November 15

The pastor said to Mr. Smith, one of his long-time parishioners, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for attending out church.  I wish I had twenty parishioners like you.”

“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, Pastor, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith.  “You know that I complain about every sermon and hardly ever give money.”

The pastor said, “I’d still like twenty parishioners like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

One Liner
He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “It was the first year of the reign of Darius the Mede, the son of Ahasuerus, who became king of the Babylonians. During the first year of his reign, I, Daniel, learned from reading the word of the Lord, as revealed to Jeremiah the prophet, that Jerusalem must lie desolate for seventy years” (Daniel 9:1-2 NLT).

You will never pray effectively until you study the Scriptures and listen to the Lord.

Humor – November 14

An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time management for a company’s junior executives. He concluded the session with a disclaimer:  “Don’t attempt these task-organizing tips at home,” he said.

“Why not?” he was asked.

“Well, I did a study of my wife’s routine of fixing breakfast,” he replied, a little embarrassed. “I noticed she made a lot of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and the cabinets, each time carrying only one item. So I asked her, ‘Honey, I notice that you make a lot of trips back and forth carrying one item at a time. If you would try carrying several things at once you would be much more efficient.'”

He paused.

“Did that save time?” one of the executives asked.

“Actually, yes,” the expert answered, “It used to take her twenty minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own in seven minutes.”

One Liner
Quit gripping about your church; if it was perfect you couldn’t belong!

Thought for the day 
Ephesians 5:8
You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.

Before and after ……. “I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.” If we could only fully grasp what we so easily sing!!!

 


Humor – November 13

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question – worth 500 points!

“To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s reindeer.”

The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. “Rudolph!” he said confidently, “and, …Olive!”

The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, “Yes, we’ll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain… ‘Olive?!?'”

“You know,” the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer…”

One LINER
There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.  ~W.J. Cameron

Thought for the day
Daniel 9:3a: “I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him” (ESV).

This is basic relationship advice that works beyond your relationship with God. You’ll improve any relationship in your life if you physically turn yourself toward the other person and focus on them when they talk to you.