Humor – December 11

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.

One Liner
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Thought for the day
Ephesians 4:22-24 “to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (NIV).

This means you are going to have to do some putting off and you are going to have to do some putting on. And the putting off has to happen before the putting on. It’s just like trying on clothes in a department store. Before you can try on the new stuff, you have to take off the old stuff.

You’re going to have to let go of the old attitudes, the old thought patterns, the old images that you’ve been living with so you can put on the new garments God has for you as he changes and renews your mind.

Humor – December 10

SANTA FLIGHT CHECK

Like all pilots, Santa gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa’s flying skills to the test.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sled’s enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the test ride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun.

“What’s that for?!?” asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, “I know I’m not supposed to tell you this ahead of time,” as he leaned over to whisper in Santa’s ear, “but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”

One Liner
I considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.

Thought for the day
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”  Romans 12:2 NIV

If you want to experience lasting change in your life, you need to refocus your mind.

Humor – December 9

I don’t think I’ll attend Christmas dinner this year.

My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she’s going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

One Liner
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

Thought for the day
Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (ESV).

Shepherds always carried a rod and a staff to protect their sheep. David knew that in the same way, God has the tools to protect him, and he trusted God, even in the darkest valleys.

Humor – December 6

Top 10 things to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:

10) Hey! There’s a gift.

9.) Well, well, well…

8.) Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would’ve fit.

7.) Perfect for wearing in the basement.

6.) Wow, I hope this never catches fire!

5.) If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4.) I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3.) Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

2.) To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1.) I really don’t deserve this

One Liner
On the 90th day of Christmas, my true love said to me: “You take Christmas too seriously.”

Thought for the day
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 RSV

I don’t know what burden you’re carrying. I don’t know what’s weighing you down. But I do know the answer.

Humor – December 5

Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.

Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.

One night Billy read: “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear…”
“A bear?” my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
“We don’t have a bear in our manger,” 5-year-old Timmy said.
“Here, use mine,” offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.

Then Billy continued to read: “… a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”

One Liner
The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

Thought for the day
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” Psalm 23:1 ESV

God’s going to provide. He’s going to take care of you. Instead of stressing out, look to him to meet all your needs.