Humor – April 9

A pastor assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.

That night the pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he comforted her. “But what can I do about it?” the pastor asked.

She sweetly replied, “Preach to me a while, pastor.”

One Liner
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Thought for the day
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” Matthew 6:15 NIV

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It can be one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make.

But you’ll never have the life God wants for you unless you can forgive the people who have hurt you.

Humor – April 8

A Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine.

The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, “Say, how much land you think you got here?”

Mainer: ‘Bout 10 acres I’d say.”

Texan (boasting): “Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!”

Mainer: “Yep, I got one of them trucks, too.”

One Liner
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Thought for the day
Psalm 37:7 NLT says, “Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act” .  God wants you to wait patiently for him to answer your prayer.

Humor – April 7

A guy goes into a fancy lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar, but the bouncer tells him he needs a necktie to get in.

The guy doesn’t have a necktie handy, so goes out to his car and gets his jumper cables. He ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the lounge.  The bouncer looks him up and down and then says, “Well, okay, I guess you can come in. Just don’t start anything.”

One Liner
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.

Thought for the day
Hebrews 12:1 NLT says, “Let us strip off every weight that slows us down”

Weights aren’t bad. They’re not sinful. They’re just unnecessary. It could be a job, a relationship, or a hobby. It’s something that slows you down from what God wants from your life. And it’s not worth it.

Humor – April 6

Smoky, our family cat, had gotten injured and needed to stay at the vet clinic for several days. Our three children were so concerned that several times a day, my wife and I had to reassure them that Smoky was safe and being cared for by the “animal doctor.”

Finally, we got the call that Smoky was ready to come home. Driving to the vet, it became clear that our four-year-old son, Ryan, had been doing a lot of thinking about Smoky’s absence when he asked, “Mom, what kind of animal is the doctor?”

One Liner
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Thought for the day
Practice the presence of Jesus. When you become aware of God’s presence in your life, fear will go away.

When God is near, you lose your fear. Why? Because God is love, and the Bible says: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear” 1 John 4:18 NIV  The more you feel loved by God, the less you’ll fear.

Humor – April 3

A nursery school teacher was delivering a minivan full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

One Liner
Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

Thought for the day
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18 NIV

Everyone has fears. Your problem isn’t that you’re afraid. It’s what you do with the fear that really matters.