Humor – January 17

LOT’S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

One Liner
Spring allergies and a full-face motorcycle helmet are not a pleasant combination.

Thought for the day
“Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God” (2 Peter 1:3 The Message).

Honestly, right now is the time to decide this issue. Believe God loves you and made you for his purposes. Believe you were made to last forever. Believe that no matter what you’ve done, God wants to forgive you.


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Humor – January 16

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?”

The other replied, “Of course we are! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?”

To which the first replied, “Oh, well….I just bit my tongue.”

One Liner
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.; give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish.”

Thought for the day
“Whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever!” (John 3:36 The Message).

Living for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else.

Humor – January 15

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?!” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

One Liner
I am a mental tourist. My mind wanders.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures” (NCV). If you want to raise confident kids, you’ve got to build them up more than you tear them down. You’ve got to give more cheers than you give jeers.

 

Humor – January 14

In a shop, two men struck up a conversation.

Just as one fellow said that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power outage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

‘That,’ he sighed, ‘must be her checking out now.’

One Liner
I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

Thought for the day
“Think about Jesus’ example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying” (Hebrews 12:3 NCV).

God wants you to be healthy in every area of your life—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. For mental health, you must focus your mind on the right things

 

Humor – January 11

Dewey heard that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Dewey and his big brother Damon, headed out to the lake. “If they did it, I can too!” he insisted.

When Dewey and Damon arrived at the lake, they rented a canoe and began paddling. When they got to the middle of the lake, Dewey stepped off of the side of the boat… and nearly drowned.

Furious and somewhat embarrassed, he and Damon headed for home.

When Dewey arrived back at the family home, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. “Grandma, why can’t I walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?”

His sweet old grandmother took Dewey by the hand, looked into his eyes, and explained, “That’s because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January, You were born in June, dear.”

One Liner
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

Thought for the day
“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you . . . Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends”(Philippians 2:1-2 The Message).

Relationships are always worth restoring.