Humor – August 7

Teacher: “Which is the best month to study?”

Student: “Octembruary.”

Teacher: “Don’t be silly. There’s no month like that.”

Student: “Exactly….”

One Liner
Bottomless pit of needs and wants.

Thought for the day
The wicked borrow and never pay back”  Psalm 37:21 GNT

You may not think this is a big deal, but it’s a big deal to God. Do you spend more money than you make? That is a lack of integrity. Do you get yourself in debt for things that you can’t pay off? That is a lack of integrity.

Humor – August 6

One day while driving through a neighborhood near his church, Pastor John saw a little boy on a front porch, struggling trying to reach the doorbell.

Feeling like he needed to help the young fellow, he stopped his car and got out to help. He pressed the doorbell for him and said, in a teaching way, “Now what do we do?”

“Now,” the boy said, laughing, “we run!”

One Liner
We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?

Thought for the day
“People who promise things that they never give are like clouds and wind that bring no rain”  Proverbs 25:14 GNT

People of integrity keep their word. If they say they’ll do it, they do it. If they say they’ll be there, they show up.

Humor – August 5

Kids have a greater need for speed than classroom computers can deliver.

Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless student kept clicking the “Print” command.

The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the kid’s ten-page report.

The topic?

“Save Our Trees.”

One Liner
What do you call a chicken that’s afraid?

Thought for the day
“Be humble when you correct people who oppose you . . . They have been trapped by the devil, and he makes them obey him, but God may help them escape”  2 Timothy 2:25-26 CEV

When you face opposition because of your faith, you need to recognize the source of the opposition.

Humor – August 4

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.

“No,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”

One Liner
No problem is so large or so difficult that it can’t be blamed on somebody else.

Thought for the day
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” Psalm 119:9 NIV

The only way you’re going to know what God approves of and what he thinks of you is by reading the Bible. You must stay in God’s Word! If you don’t, you will not have the strength and the stamina to live with integrity.

Humor – August 3


O proud left foot, that ventures quick within,
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven’s yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke — banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.

One Liner
Yes, I live in my own little world, but that’s okay.  They all know me there.

Thought for the day
“God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God” Matthew 5:8 NLT

To “see God” means to experience the presence of God. Believers who have a pure heart get to feel the power of God. They get to know the purpose of God for their lives. They get to live in the peace of God.

Humor – July 31

Irritated Boss: “Can’t you hear that the phone is ringing?  You must answer the telephone!”

New Secretary: “All right, but it seems so silly.  Nine times out of ten, it’s for you.”

One Liner
Why do slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing?

Thought for today
“If you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you”  1 Peter 4:19 NLT

The most important thing you can remember when you’ve been treated unfairly is that Jesus is on your side.

Humor – July 30

Imagine the scene:  God sitting on His thrown.  A man standing in front of him next to scores of blackboards, whiteboards, electronic displays, and the like.  God is looking at the man with a very bored expression on His face.

He addresses the man, ”Okay, I said you could have all the time you needed to make your point.  Time is nothing to me here.  But explain to me once again how your presentation proves I don’t exist!”

One Liner
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda’ neat.

Thought for the day
“Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life” Proverbs 4:23 NCV

Every temptation starts in the mind