Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

“I started a new business last year,” Linda said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”

“Why in the world would you do that?” Marion asked.

“It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without,” Linda said.

One Liner
One knows they are old when their smart watch says they had a good night’s sleep and their body screams, “Liar!!”

After dinner one evening, my dad starting entertaining our dinner guest by playing the piano.

At one point he turned to the visitor and said, “I understand you love music?”

“Yes,” murmured the guest politely. “But never you mind, you keep right on playing…”

One Liner
To your stomach all potatoes are mashed

A mostly-bald man went to his barber, who had a lush head of wavy hair.  He said, “If you could make my head look like yours, I’d give you $5000!”

The barber promptly started shaving his own head.

One Liner
Waldo wears a striped shirt because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Martin was a slow-working employee and found it difficult to hold a job. Finally, he found work at the Zoo. The zookeeper, aware of his reputation, assigned him to the tortoise section.

Later, the zookeeper dropped by and found Martin standing by an empty enclosure.

“Where are the tortoises?” the zookeeper asked.

“I can’t believe it!” said Martin.  “I just opened the door and then … Whooooosh!”

One Liner
If you love someone, let them nap.

Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.

“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for finals.”

One Liner
Do twins realize that at least one of them is unplanned?