Humor – April 2

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.

Sure enough, after only a short time of searching, he found a gas cap. He carefully wiped it off and slipped it into place with a satisfying click.

“Great,” he told his wife as he climbed back into the car, “I may have lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits and it’s even a better cap than the one I had – it locks…”

One Liner
Too many clicks spoil the browse.

Thought for the day
“Don’t copy the behavior or values of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” Romans 12:2 NLT

One reason you may not know what God wants you to do in life is because you may be too acculturated with this culture. Often this happens without you realizing it. But you can’t think like the world and think like God thinks. You have to make a choice.

The problem with following culture is that it’s all temporary. You need to follow something that is eternal: God’s Word.

Humor – April 1

APRIL FOOLS’ DAY GROANERS

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they’ve just finished a long March!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1?
A: April Ghoul’s Day!

Q: What’s the best day for monkey business?
A: The first of Ape-ril!

Q: What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
A: On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!

Q: What monster plays the most April Fools’ Day jokes?
A: Frankenstein!

One Liner
Sometimes I feel as lonely as the 3rd verse of a Baptist Hymn.

Thought for the day
“If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to tell you, for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind”  James 1:5-6 TLB

There are two keys to knowing God’s wisdom. First, you’ve got to ask the right person: God. You don’t ask your hairdresser, mechanic, or radio talk show host. You need to ask the right person!

Then, you ask with the right attitude: expecting God to answer.

Humor – March 31

A snail hitched a ride with a friendly turtle.  As they reached an intersection another turtle came along and rammed into them!

A cop came and questioned the snail: “What happened here?”

The little snail replied, “I don’t know — it all happened so fast.”

One Liner
You’re getting old when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way” Psalm 25:9 NIV

If you’ve never felt God guiding you, maybe it’s because you’ve never admitted that you need his guidance.

Humor – March 30

Preacher: “This morning’s worship went well, but I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground.”

Preacher’s wife: “Well, it sure did taxi long enough.”

One Liner
People are freaking out about toilet paper shortages and I’m over here like “I’m good, I bought a pack of gum at CVS.”

Thought for the day
Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done”

The antidote to worry is worship—to pray, praise God, and ask him for what you need.

Humor – March 27

I live across the street from a church.

When my wife’s puppy escaped from the backyard, we went looking for it.

She went off in the car, and I started to walk around the church, calling the dog’s name.

I didn’t think anything of it, until I noticed some strange looks from people walking in the area.

The dog’s name is Moses.

One Liner
A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

Thought for the day
So when the army of Judah arrived at the lookout point in the wilderness, all they saw were dead bodies lying on the ground as far as they could see. Not a single one of the enemy had escaped”  2 Chronicles 20:24 NLT

Sometimes life is like this, isn’t it? You have a seemingly insurmountable problem. You face your enemy and trust God to fight for you. Then you stand unarmed and watch as he wins the victory.