Humor – October 14

My older son loves school, but his younger brother Tommy absolutely hates it. One weekend Tommy cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.

At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put Mommy in jail.”

Tommy looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”

One Liner
A good pun is its own reword.

Thought for the day
“Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don’t depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success” Proverbs 3:5-6 NCV

You can trust God with everything you are because he is able to help you succeed if you do. That doesn’t mean that God will give you all the money, fame, or power you want. But if you trust him, God will help you succeed in what he has called you to do and be.

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Humor – October 11

One day on his way to work, my husband stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain.

Forgetting that he hadn’t brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave.

“That’s my umbrella,” a woman immediately scolded.

Abashed at his mistake, he walked on to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived.

Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day.

That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier.

She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: “You did real well for yourself today, didn’t you?”

One Liner
A football fan is someone who’ll yell at the quarterback for not spotting an open receiver forty-five yards down the field…and then head to the parking lot and not be able to find their own car.

Thought for the day
“Those who make idols end up like them. So does everyone who trusts them” Psalm 115:8 GW

Whatever you value the most in life, you’re going to become like. If you value money, you’ll eventually become a materialist. If you value pleasure, you’ll become a hedonist. If you value works, you’ll become a pragmatist. If you value above all else Jesus Christ, you’ll become a Christian.

Humor – October 10

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.”

Her husband replied “Well, lots of dogs can do that.”

The wife responded, ” But we’ve never subscribed to any papers!”

[forwarded by Adon Brownell)

One Liner
All my friends tell me peer pressure is cool.

Thought for the day
“The poor, deluded fool … trusts something that can’t help him at all. Yet he cannot bring himself to ask: ‘Is this idol that I’m holding in my hand a lie?’” Isaiah 44:20 NLT

Oh, yes, those idols are lies. Sadly, idols don’t just stop after they’ve disappointed us, though. Eventually, they enslave us, too.

Humor – October 9

Tommy had reached school age.  His Mom worked hard to make him enthusiastic about the idea.  She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he’d meet, and so on.

The first day of school, he eagerly set off.  When he came back home he had a lot of glowing reports about school!

Next morning his Mom woke him up saying, “Tommy, it’s time to get ready for school.”

Tommy said, “What?  Again?”

One Liner
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Thought for the day
“A fool expresses all his emotions, but a wise person controls them” Proverbs 29:11 GW

To live responsibly, we must put our minds in gear before we put our mouths in gear. We must think before we act.

Humor – October 8

“This hotel stinks!” a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!”

I apologized for the noise and checked him out.

A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.

“Terrible!” They said. “The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!”

One Liner
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Thought for the day
Proverbs 29:11: “Stupid people express their anger openly, but sensible people are patient and hold it back” (GNT).

Think before you speak. Delay is a tremendous remedy for anger.