Colossians 3:23

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Humor – July 13

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, “You know, I’ve lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?” she asks.

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere and I’m tired of looking for her!”

One Liner
What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.

Thought for the day
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends  Philippians 2:1-2

A church of mature believers is united in vision, living in harmony with one another, and heading in one direction to both share the gospel and walk the narrow road to heaven.

Humor – July 12

Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized, “Pardon me!”

“That’s quite all right,” the woman replied. “You look just like my fourth husband.”

“Wow!” he said. “How many times have you been married?”

She winked at him and said, “Three.”

One Liner
There is only one exceptional child in the world…and every mother has it.

Thought for the day
Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ.  Philippians 3:8 MSG

Therefore, let us know Christ! Let us, as Paul goes on to say, strive towards the mark. Let us deny ourselves along the way. Let us lose all things along the way, but let us always strive towards the mark, the prize, which is the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Knowing Jesus our Lord is superior to everything that is in this world. Let us know this and never lose sight of it.

 

Humor – July 11

At Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

“Rabbi?” asked little Melvin “there’s something I need to know.”

“What’s that my child?” asked the Rabbi.

“Well, according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”

“Right.”

“And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”

“Uh … right.”

“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”

“Again you are correct.”

“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?”

“All that is correct,” agreed the Rabbi. “So what’s your question?”

“What I need to know is this,” demanded Melvin. “What were all the grown-ups doing?”

One Liner
Wear sleeveless shirts! Support your right to bare arms!

Thought for the day
Pray that every time I open my mouth I’ll be able to make Christ plain as day to them.  Colossians 4:4 MSG

Some of us open our mouths more than others.  We have an opinion on everything.  Let us put aside our personal opinions and proclaim the message of Christ clearly.  When we have the opportunity to share, we must be able to share clearly. To proclaim a message clearly is to show the person that you are speaking with that what you are sharing—your message—is from God. It’s not from you or something you made up. It’s a story that only God could write.

Humor – July 10

A man decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. He went to a very large church and began taking photographs, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign, which reads “$10,000 a minute.”

Seeking out the pastor he asks about the phone and the sign. The pastor answers that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. He thanks the pastor and continues on his way. As he continues to visit churches in Seattle, Boise, Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, New York, Atlanta, and on around the United States, he finds more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrives in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, lo and behold, he sees the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign reads “Calls 25 cents.”

Fascinated, he requests to talk to the pastor. “Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?”

The pastor, smiling benignly, replies, “Oh, my son, that’s very easy to explain. You see, you’re now in Texas and, of course, it’s a local call from here.”

One Liner
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

Thought for the day
“…dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Colossians 3:12-14 MSG

If you are a believer what are you dressing in today? GAP, Nike, Perry Ellis, Tommy Hilfiger, etc.  Remember that God has already picked out your wardrobe of compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline, even tempered, forgiveness and love.  Put on each piece so you can be salt and light today!

 

Humor – July 9

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

“What are you selling, young man?” he asked.

“I’m not selling anything, sir,” the young man replied. “I’m the census taker.”
“A what?” the man asked.

“A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States.”

“Well,” the man answered, “you’re wasting your time with me; I have no idea.”

One Liner
“Death and taxes may be certain, but we don’t have to die every year.”  ~Unknown

Thought for the day
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Philippians 4:6 MSG

Philippians 4:6 is a recipe for worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns