Humor – December 6

Top 10 things to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:

10) Hey! There’s a gift.

9.) Well, well, well…

8.) Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would’ve fit.

7.) Perfect for wearing in the basement.

6.) Wow, I hope this never catches fire!

5.) If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4.) I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3.) Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

2.) To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1.) I really don’t deserve this

One Liner
On the 90th day of Christmas, my true love said to me: “You take Christmas too seriously.”

Thought for the day
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 RSV

I don’t know what burden you’re carrying. I don’t know what’s weighing you down. But I do know the answer.

Humor – December 5

Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.

Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.

One night Billy read: “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear…”
“A bear?” my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
“We don’t have a bear in our manger,” 5-year-old Timmy said.
“Here, use mine,” offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.

Then Billy continued to read: “… a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”

One Liner
The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

Thought for the day
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” Psalm 23:1 ESV

God’s going to provide. He’s going to take care of you. Instead of stressing out, look to him to meet all your needs.

Humor – December 4

One Sunday evening, I overheard my five-year-old daughter, Julie, practicing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” a song she’d been rehearsing that morning in church for next week’s Christmas program. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter when, in place of “with angelic host proclaim,” Julie sang, “with the jelly toast proclaim.”

One Liner
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Thought for the day
“Since he did not spare even his own Son for us but gave him up for us all, won’t he also surely give us everything else?” Romans 8:32 TLB

The major cause of stress in your life is worry. You worry because you wonder if you will have what you need when you need it. But anytime you expect other people to meet your needs instead of God, you’re going to be frustrated and disappointed, because nobody can meet all your needs. Only God can do that.

Humor – December 3

A group of first graders got together and decided to write their own version of the Nativity. It was more modern than the traditional drama. Oh, there were the familiar members of the cast: Joseph, the shepherds, the three wise men, the star, and an angel propped up in the background.

But Mary was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly behind the bales of hay could be heard some loud moans and groans. Evidently Mary was in labor.

Soon the doctor arrived dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. Joseph, with a look of relief on his face takes the doctor straight to Mary, then starts pacing back and forth. After a few moments the “doctor” emerges with a big smile on his face.

“Congratulations, Joseph,” he says, “It’s a God!”

One Liner
My goal for 2020 is to accomplish the goals set in 2019 which I should have done in 2018 because I promised to in 2017 and planned to do in 2016

Thought for the day
“We walk by faith, not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV

There is no faith without risk.  Faith means stepping out into the unknown when you don’t know what’s even in the unknown.

Humor – December 2

I’ve been in many places, but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family, and boss.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get.

One Liner
I hear the world tongue-twister champion has been found guilty of cheating. Apparently they’re going to give him a really hard sentence.

Thought for the day
“Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed” (James 1:4 The Message).

Be patient with God and with yourself. One of life’s frustrations is that God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly slow progress you’re making in life.