Humor – June 24

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” 

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” 

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.” 

One Liner

Started to go to the gym this morning and couldn’t find my membership card. And new one is $15. A donut and coffee was $5. Guess who saved $10?!

Humor – June 23

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.

A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those jazzy 4-Wheel drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replied. “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!”

One Liner

“The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”  “Great. I’ll start later.”

Humor – June 21

A driver got a speeding ticket and went to pay the fine.

The police clerk issued a receipt for payment and the annoyed driver said,
“What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Keep it,” the clerk advised. “If you collect enough of them, you get a
bicycle!

One Liner

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”

Humor – June 20

They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. 

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. 

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.” 

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!” 

Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” 

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!” 

One Liner

Pros & cons of making food: Pro – food; Con – making.

Humor – June 17

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.

“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, six single men, three widows, and four widowers stepped to the front.

One Liner

Here’s to love, the only fire for which there is no insurance.