humor pic of the week

Advertisements

Humor – August 9

Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo.

As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. “I like the original better,” I told her.

“Trust me,” she said. “Ten years from now, you’ll like this one.”

One Liner
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

Thought for the day
Colossians 3:13 says, “Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others”(NLT)

You have to forgive those who’ve hurt you because God has forgiven you.

Humor – August 8

A friend of mine has three boys. The youngest, Gregory, had just started school.

A teacher commented to Gregory that she couldn’t believe he was already in first grade and asked what his mother did all day now that the three boys were in school.

“Cartwheels,” Gregory answered.

One Liner
Pi R squared.
Nooo! Pie R round; cornbread R square.

Thought for the day
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).

It doesn’t say that all things are good, because not all things are good. Cancer is not good. Disease is not good. Death is not good. Divorce is not good. War is not good. Rape and abuse are not good. A lot of things in life are evil. These are the realities of living in a world that’s been contaminated by sin.

But God says he will work good out of the bad things in life if you will trust him.


Humor – August 7

Dewey dragged himself into his doctor’s office one day looking very exhausted. “Doctor,” he said, “there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep!”

“I have good news for you, Dewey,” the doctor said, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that were just approved. They work like a dream. Just a few of these and your troubles will be over.”

“Great,” said Dewey, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

The doctor gave him the pills. Dewey thanked him and left.

Two weeks later, Dewey came back to the doctor’s office looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than ever!” Dewey exclaimed.

“I don’t understand how that could be,” said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered Dewey wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one, it’s really hard getting him to swallow the pill!”

One Liner
Cupid’s arrows hurt a lot more coming out than they do going in.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 10:22, “The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, without painful toil for it” (NIV).

Profit that is made dishonestly brings trouble with it. Why? If you rip off people, other people are going to rip you off. If you cheat — including the government — you’re going to get cheated in life. What you sow, you will reap.

Humor – August 6

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom
and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager.  “Here, give me the
broom, I’ll show you how.”

One Liner
Speculate: You are three weeks overdue with delivering my new pair of
glasses.

Thought for the day
“There is great gain in godliness combined with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it” (1 Timothy 6:6-7 NRSV).

God is more interested in your character than your comfort. He’s not going to give you things if you haven’t learned the principle of contentment first.


Humor – August 5

“WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!” the irate customer yelled after calling the newspaper office.

“Madam,”  said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday.  The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY.”

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, “Well, that explains why no one was at church either.”

One Liner
I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Thought for the day
2 Corinthians 9:6-7, “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver”(NIV).

The principle of sowing and reaping applies to every area of life, not just your finances. Whatever you sow in life, you’re going to reap. Whatever you deposit is going to be returned to you. If you sow criticism in life, you are going to reap criticism from other people. If you sow kindness, you’re going to reap kindness. It’s the law of the harvest. If you plant apple seeds, you don’t get pears; you get apples. If you sow with generosity, you will reap generosity.