Humor – January 10

During a hectic night of mail processing at the post office, a number of letters fell off an elevated conveyor belt and scattered onto the floor. Before the area supervisor had a chance to pick them up, the facility manager, who had a reputation for being stern, came upon the scene.

“Why is this mail on the floor?” he demanded angrily.

Without hesitation the supervisor replied, “Gravity, sir.”

One Liner

You know it’s going to be a bad day when your twin brother forgets your birthday.

Humor – January 9

A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER REPORTS:

~ With your eyes closed for prayer, anything can happen in a room full of preschoolers.

~ Prayer requests reveal a lot about parents.

~ Cheap glue adheres to skin.

~ Kool Aid and song motions do not mix.

~ Girls are superior to boys.

~ There IS a doggie Heaven.

~ Parachute games should not be used in a room with a chandelier.

~ Church maintenance men do not have a sense of humor.

~ Animal crackers can be sneezed out the nose.

~ There are good reasons why pastor’s kids have a bad reputation.

One Liner

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.

Humor – January 5

The teacher asked her students which state they thought has the most cows. A little girl raised her hand and said, “Texas.”

The teacher said, “That is right, you get an A. Now which state do you think has the most sheep?”

A little boy raised his hand and said, “Montana.”

The teacher said, “That’s right, you get an A. Who can tell me which state has the most turkeys?”

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “That’s easy! Washington D.C.

One Liner

And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

Humor – January 4

An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, “You can call me day or night, at this number . . .”

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. “Hey,” he exclaimed, “that’s MY number!”

One Liner

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Humor – January 3

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

2019: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.

2020: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

2021: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2022: I will work out 3 days a week.

2023: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

One Liner

Someone ripped the 5th month out my new 2022 calendar! I’m dismayed!

Humor – January 2

15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2023…

~ Jumping on the bandwagon

~ Running around in circles

~ Pushing your luck

~ Playing in traffic 

~ Spinning your wheels

~ Adding fuel to the fire

~ Beating your head against the wall

~ Climbing the walls

~ Beating your own drum

~ Dragging your heels

~ Jumping to conclusions

~ Grasping at straws

~ Fishing for compliments

~ Throwing your weight around

~ Passing the buck

One Liner

My goal for 2023 is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I made a promise in 2020 and planned in 2019.