Monthly Archives: February 2017

Humor – February 28

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. 

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.

“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed.

“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!

One Liner
“For what is faith unless it is to believe what you do not see?”

– Augustine

Thought for the day
God gave us His Word (the Bible) to transform us, not simply inform us. It should give us a bigger heart, not a bigger head.

James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says” (NIV).

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Humor – February 27

I always do my exercises regularly in the morning. Immediately after waking I sternly say to myself, “Ready, now. Up. Down. Up. Down.” And after two strenuous minutes I tell myself, “Okay, now try the other eyelid

One Liner
What does the sea say to the sand?
Not much. It usually just waves.

Thought for the day
Jesus says, “I am the way…. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6 NIV).

It’s very important to understand that in any rescue operation, the rescuer gets to determine means and method of the rescue. You don’t get to determine how you are saved. It’s not up to you; it’s up to your Savior. 

Humor – February 24

The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to how personnel wore their uniforms. On one occasion he spotted a junior airman with a violation. “Airman,” he bellowed, “what do you do when a shirt pocket is unbuttoned?”

The startled airman replied, “Button it, sir!”

The colonel looked him in the eye and said, “Well?”

At that, the airman nervously reached over and buttoned the colonel’s shirt pocket.

One Liner
“How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?”

Thought for the day
Know the state of your flocks, and put your heart into caring for your herds, for riches don’t last forever …. (Proverbs 27:23-24a NLT)

The Bible says we need to watch our financial interests closely. “Know the state of your flocks ….” Today we might say, “Know the state of your stocks.” In other words, we need to know where our money is going. People say money talks, but actually it just walks away quietly. And you wonder where it went.

Not knowing where your money is going equals disaster. You get into debt because you’re not keeping good records that show you what is happening with your finances. As the saying goes, you end up spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need to impress people you don’t even like. 

Humor – February 23

SIX TRUTHS

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, due to the tendons within your neck.

2. All boneheads, after reading #1 will try it…

3. …and discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you realize you are an bonehead.

5. You soon will share this with another bonehead.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face! I sincerely apologize about this, but I’m an bonehead and I needed company.

One Liner
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

Thought for the day
“The things you’ve learned from me in the presence of many witnesses you are to entrust to other faithful people who will also be qualified to pass it on to others.” (2 Timothy 2:2)

Don’t be intimidated by the word “mentoring.” Mentoring is as easy as taking someone to breakfast once a month and asking them, “How’s it going?”

Humor – February 22

HEALTH MESSAGE         

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.  

4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing, yet lives for 450 years.

AND…YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE?

One Liner
I’m not completely worthless, I can always serve as a bad example.

Thought for the day
“Encourage anyone who feels left out, help all who are weak, and be patient with everyone.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (CEV)

Today’s verse tells us, it’s important to look for someone who most other people wouldn’t encourage. A lot of people like to encourage or help powerful people because it might give them a leg up on something.