Monthly Archives: August 2019

humor pic of the week

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Humor – August 16

PARENTAL EXCUSES

These are actual excuse notes from parents excusing their children from missing school (includes original spelling):

~ Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

~ Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

~ I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

~ Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

~ Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

~ Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

One Liner
The relationship between Husband and Wife is very psychological – one is Psycho and the other is Logical; now please don’t try to figure out Who is Who.

Thought for the day
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35 NIV).

Each of us has a life message that God wants us to share with the world. Sharing the message is part of our life’s mission. When we share that message with other people, it’s called witnessing.

Humor – August 15

PARENTAL EXCUSES

These are actual excuse notes from parents excusing their children from missing school (includes original spelling):

~ My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

~ Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

~ Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

~ Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

~ John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

~ Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

~ Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

~ Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

~ Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

One Liner
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Thought for the day
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26 NIV). Community is God’s answer to despair.

Humor – August 14

This was developed as an intelligence test by a research and development department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can’t do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the THIRD word in each line from the top down to determine your intelligence.

One Liner
You have a seatbelt; has it hugged you today?

Thought for the day
“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him” (Colossians 2:6 NLT).

The Bible often compares life to a walk, because life is a journey. We’re not sitting still. Throughout the New Testament, we are told to walk in wisdom, love, light, and obedience. We’re told to walk as Jesus walked. We’re also told to walk alongside other people.


Humor – August 13

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.  Yup

Now you see my point of why I want to be a bear.

One Liner
What is the favorite month of lumberjacks? SepTIIIIMMBBEERRRR!!!!

Thought for the day
Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (NIV).

Forgiveness is a two-way street. You cannot receive what you are unwilling to give.

Humor – August 12

Three burly fellows on huge motorcycles pulled up to a highway cafe, where a truck driver, just a little guy, was perched on a stool quietly eating his lunch. As the three fellows came in, they spotted him, grabbed his food away from him, and laughed in his face. The truck driver said nothing. He got up, paid for his food, and walked out.

One of the three cyclists, unhappy that they hadn’t succeeded in provoking the little man into a fight, commented to the waitress: “Boy, he sure wasn’t much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “Well I guess not.” Then, looking out the window, she added, “I guess he’s not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over three motorcycles.”

One Liner
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

Thought for the day
Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Only fools get angry quickly and hold a grudge”(CEV)

You have to forgive those who’ve hurt you because resentment will control you