Monthly Archives: May 2015

Humor – May 29

Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?

Donald: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher: No, that’s incorrect.

Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.

One Liner
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

Thought for the day
All of you together are Christ’s body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27 (NLT)

One reason you need to be connected to a church family is to fulfill your calling to serve other believers in practical ways.

Humor – May 28

As a resident physician in radiology, I was speaking with the man whose wife was about to receive a CAT scan of the chest.

While the nurse was placing the intravenous line, I asked the husband if his wife had undergone any other tests. The man named several procedures involving various body parts, but he couldn’t remember one particular test.

Thinking out loud, he said, “What is that thing women have that men don’t?”

His wife was quick to answer, “A brain, dear.”

One Liner
“Self-pity is the superglue of hell that ties you to the past.” – Henry Wright

Thought for the day
“Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of.” (Luke 19:26 MSG)

If God tells you to take a step of faith but you hesitate to take it until he shows you what the second step will be, you’re not waiting on God. He’s waiting on you.

mikeshumor 11 years old!

CELEBRATING 11 years of mikehumor on May 27!  THANKS to all who have followed mikeshumor these past 11 years.  My desire in sharing the clean daily humor is to bring a smile to your face – after all people smile in the same language!   Hopefully some of the humor has even caused you to laugh out loud!! After all He who laughs, lasts!!

Continue to share mikeshumor with others as we begin our 12th year!

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV).

Humor – May 27

Joe had been a long-time and very valued member of his church in Austin. He was a trustee and always preferred to fix things rather than replace them and he was very adept at doing so.

One day the pastor came in o the office on his day off to get something. He was dressed in very grungy clothing and wearing a pair of running shoes that were falling apart. If fact, when he walked down the hall to his office it sounded like he was wearing flip-flops. This old trustee heard the noise and told the preacher, “I think I have some glue that will fix those shoes if you’ll give then to me.” A couple of days later he did just that.

A week later, when he went into his office he saw a brown bag on his desk. Upon opening it he found his repaired running shoes and a handwritten note stuffed in one of them. It read: “It is a rare occasion when a parishioner is able to save the Pastor’s sole.”

One Liner
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes and sand gnats come close.

Thought for the day
You will never arrive at the state in life where you’re too important to help with menial tasks. God will never exempt you from the mundane. It’s a vital part of your character curriculum. The Bible says, “If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody” (Galatians 6:3 NLT).

Humor – May 26

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

One Liner
Help keep the kitchen clean: Eat out.

Thought for the day
“Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3 (NLT)

God is for your success in life; he created you for a purpose and he wants you to succeed. It is God, your Creator, who will measure your success in life, and no one else.

Humor – May 25

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

One Liner
A smart man only believes half of what he hears. A wise man knows which half.

Thought for the day
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness. Matthew 25:21 (NIV)

We never really own anything during our brief stay on earth. God just loans it to us while we’re here. It was God’s property before you arrived, and God will loan it to someone else after you die. You just get to enjoy it for a while.