A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”

“Throw out an anchor, sir.”

“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”

“Throw out another anchor, sir.”

“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?”

“Throw out another anchor.”

“Hold on,” said the Captain, “where are you getting all your anchors from?”

“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir.”

One Liner
“If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.”

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (NIV) We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later on turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends and we end up off track. That’s why we need to admit, “God, I need help.”

Teacher: “Johnny, I asked you to use Roman numerals on your outline.”

Johnny: “But, Teach, my keyboard doesn’t have Roman numerals on it!”

One Liner
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9 (NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: I need to admit I need a guide!

An Auburn University football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed.

He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.

“Yale,” she replied.

The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?”

One Liner
Actions speak louder than words, but not as often.

Thought for the day
The essence of Christianity is Matthew 22:37 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Kindly adult: “How old are you, little man?”

Shy child: (silently holds up 4 fingers)

Kindly adult: “Four years old! And when will you be five?”

Shy child: “When I hold up the other finger.”

One Liner
He who can give thanks for little will always find he has enough.

Thought for the day
The non believer has a mind that opposes God …Romans 8:7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.

The teacher asked her fifth-grade class, “How was Columbus treated when he returned from his third voyage?”

One student said, “Lots of people met him at the pier, and they all had a great time.”

Sternly, the teacher said, “You didn’t read the assignment!”

The student brought the textbook up to the teacher’s desk and showed her where it read, “Columbus received a cool reception when he returned from his third voyage.”

One Liner
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in Deuteronomy 16, “Celebrate with your whole family.” Party down! Have a good time. If you wait until all your problems are gone to start enjoying life, you’ll never enjoy life.

The following sign hangs in a local auto-repair garage:

AUTO REPAIR PRICE LIST:

Ping-Ping-Ping………$35.00
Plunk-Ping-Plunk……$50.00
Klunk-Ping-Klunk….$125.00
Thud-Klunk-Thud…..$200.00
Clang-Thud-Klank….$325.00

One Liner
My mind is like lightning. One bright flash and it’s gone.

Thought for the day
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1 NRSV)

Biblical convictions are essential for spiritual growth and maturity. What is ironic today is that people often have strong convictions about weak issues (football, fashions, etc.) while having weak convictions about major issues (what is right and what is wrong).

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

One Liner
The golden rule of Twitter is “Tweet others like you want to be tweeted.”

Thought for the day
People who excel sharpen their skills. They never stop developing, growing, learning, and improving: “If your ax is dull and you don’t sharpen it, you have to work harder to use it. It is smarter to plan ahead” (Ecclesiastes 10:10 TEV). It takes more than desire to excel; it takes skill! Remember: You’re never wasting time when you’re sharpening your “ax.”