Monthly Archives: September 2018

2 Peter 3:18

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Humor – September 28

When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become collectors’ items. I went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered and still in their original band. On my next trip to my parents’ house, I gave the $200 to my mother and said, “Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday.”

Several months later I asked Mom if she was keeping the two-dollar bills safe. “Oh, yes!” she replied. “I deposited them in the bank the day after you left.”

One Liner
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Thought for the day 
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay.” Hebrews 10:36-37 (NIV)

If you’re discouraged because of God’s delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is NOT a denial. Just because the answer or the miracle hasn’t come – yet – that doesn’t mean God isn’t going to answer or that he’s forgotten you or that he doesn’t care about you. It simply means “not yet!”

Humor – September 27

A doctor goes to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one room, he sees a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash. The doctor asks the man: “What are you doing, walking the dog?”

The man replies: “I’m just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.”

The doctor leaves the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions… And the man says to his toothbrush: “Ha, Fifi, we sure fooled him!”

One Liner
“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.”

Thought for the day 
“If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody” (Galatians 6:3 NLT).

The size of the task is irrelevant. The only issue is, does it need to be done?

You will never arrive at the state in life where you’re too important to help with menial tasks. God will never exempt you from the mundane. It’s a vital part of your character curriculum.

Humor – September 26

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a traffic cop. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the officer.

“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”

“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.”

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.

“Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

One Liner
An atheist complained that Christians and Jews had a long list of holidays but people like him had no special day for the celebration of their philosophy. A Christian heard his complaint and asked if he had considered April 1.

Thought for the day
“Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won’t be faithful in large ones. If you cheat even a little, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10 (NLT)

Jesus specialized in menial tasks that everyone else tried to avoid: washing feet, helping children, fixing breakfast, and serving lepers. Nothing was beneath him, because he came to serve. It wasn’t in spite of his greatness that he did these things, but because of it, and he expects us to follow his example

Humor – September 25

Mr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

Mr. Lee nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

Replied Mr. Lee, “No, from skipping.”

One Liner
I tried working in a wheel factory, but I got too tired.

Thought for the day
“Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” Romans 12:19a

The heart of real forgiveness is relinquishing your right to get even.

Humor – September 24

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.

But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. “Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. “You folks need all the practice you can get.”

One Liner
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Thought for the day
“I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in His grace until His task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns” (Philippians 1:6 LB).

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.