“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

One LINER
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Thought for the day
Psalm 59:16
I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

Let God be your fortress and refuge today!

A teenage boy had just gotten his driver’s license and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t gotten your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

To this his father replied, “Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?”

One LINER
How can there be “self-help” groups?

Thought for the day
Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Our worship to God comes from our gratitude for what He has done and recognition of who He is. Worship involves every aspect of life, not just our quiet times or weekly worship on the Lord’s day.

“I Hope I’m Sick”

A fellow was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, and said to himself every so often, “Boy, I hope I’m sick!”

After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn’t stand it any longer, and asked,

“Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Jobs?”

The man replied, “I’d hate to be well and feel like this.”

One LINER
Is there another word for synonym?

Thought for the day
“I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

The strength of “I can do everything . . . ” comes through God, who gives you the strength you need for each day. Your ability to “do everything” is wholly dependent upon him because your strength is dependent upon him. It’s not a strength you work up to by pumping iron with emotional or mental barbells.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said “Look friend, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!” The passenger apologized and said he didn’t realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver –

I’ve been driving hearses for the last 25 years.”

One LINER
Generally, helpful hints aren’t.

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes” (Matthew 6:34 MSG).

John Lennon once wrote, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Decide to make the most of each moment this year.

Eight-year-old Susie came home from school and informed her mother that today in class they had learned how to make babies. The mother, rather shaken by the development, called the teacher to complain.

After listening to the mother complain for a few minutes, the teacher responded, “Did you ask her to explain how it is done?”

“No,” said the mother.

“Then ask her and call me back,” replied the teacher.

“So how DO you make babies?” the mother asked her daughter.

Susie responded, “You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies.'”

One LINER
Jesus knows me — this I love.

Thought for the day
This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10

What’s your prayer today?

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?”

“98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.”

“So you’re 96?” the undertaker asked.

She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

One LINER
Missionaries do Emmanuel labor.

Thought for the day
Matthew 5:11-12
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Most of us live in cozy places where belief is tolerated and Christians are just considered a bit out of touch. Be thankful your life makes enough difference to be noticed!! But at the same time, we need to pray for other believers throughout the world who are undergoing persecution for their faith.