Category Archives: Uncategorized

Humor – May 27

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”

One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute.  Just as the reverend was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”

One Liner

How’s adulting going, you ask? I turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for about 20 minutes.

Humor – May 8

The perks of being over 70:

> People no longer consider you a hypochondriac

> There is nothing left to learn the hard way

> Neighbors don’t complain about your parties

> Things you buy now won’t wear out

> Your investment in health insurance starts to pay off

> Elevators finally play good music

> You don’t have to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room

One Liner
CPR is a near-breath experience.

Merry Christmas to All

“You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”” Luke‬ ‭1‬:‭31‬-‭33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Humor – August 1

SCHOOL FUNNIES

Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy.
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!

Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!

What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.

Q: What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The food!

Teacher: “Why are you late on the first day of school?”
Student: “I saw a sign that said, ‘School Ahead: Go Slow.'”

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Forget it. It’s pointless.

Why is 2 + 2 = 5 like your left foot? It’s not right.

One Liner
Sorry I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

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Humor – June 20

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: no car was to enter unless it had a special military sticker on the windshield.

A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”

The corporal, who was driving, said, “General Wheeler.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You have to have a military sticker on your windshield.”

The general said, “Drive on!” The sentry replied, “Hold it! Hold it!  You cannot come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a military sticker.”

The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General Sir, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?”

One Liner
Charcuterie is just Lunchables for adults.