Category Archives: Uncategorized
Humor – July 13
In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C.
Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described.
To my great surprise, it did — and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment’s hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter.
An unidentified reader had penned, “Good book, wasn’t it?”
One Liner
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.
Happy July 4th
May 31
Merry Christmas
Humor – November 25
THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN UP THANKSGIVING DINNER
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the DVD when Dad’s not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the DVD and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”
One Liner
I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.
Humor – November 24
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old-timer,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
One Liner
I bought some powdered water, but I didn’t know what to add.
Humor – November 23
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
One Liner
Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,” little Johnny wrote, “I’m thankful that I’m not a turkey.”
Humor – October 30
On a recent flight, an airhead passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all the airhead could see was the blinking wing-tip light and rang for the flight attendant.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”
One Liner
You wouldn’t know an act of kindness if it hit you in the face.
mike's HUMOR 