A man fell into a pit and couldn’t get himself out…

~ A subjective person came along and said, “I feel for you down there.”

~ An objective person walked by and said, “It’s logical that someone would fall down there.”

~ A Pharisee said, “Only bad people fall into pits.”

~ A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.

~ A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.

~ An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

~ A self-pitying person said, “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen my pit.”

~ A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, “You deserve your pit.”

~ A Christian Scientist observed, “The pit is just in your mind.”

~ A psychologist noted, “Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit.”

~ A self-esteem therapist said, “Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit.”

~ An optimist said, “Things could be worse.”

~ A pessimist claimed, “Things will get worse.”

Jesus, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.

One Liner
One half of the world doesn’t understand the other half, and it doesn’t matter which half you’re in.

Thought for the day
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Zig Ziglar

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”

One Liner
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Thought for the day
Shortly before his death, Gandhi wrote, “All about me is darkness; I am praying for light.” Contrast this with evangelist D. L. Moody’s last recorded words: “This is my triumph; this is my coronation day! It is glorious!”

We were singing “I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Down in my heart to stay.” When the song was over, 5-year old Tommy raised his hand and asked “Why not on Monday?” (Down in my heart Tuesday!)

One Liner
I’ve learned that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

Thought for the day
“The Eternal Being, who knows everything and who created the whole universe, became not only a man but before that a baby, and before that a fetus inside a woman’s body. If you want to get the hang of it, think how you would like to become a slug or a crab.” – C.S. Lewis

5 Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

– Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

– You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in your Jell-O.

– Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

– The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

– Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

One Liner
I’ve learned that money doesn’t buy class.

Thought for the day
“Where will you spend eternity?

a) here b) heaven

c) hell d) not sure

is that your final answer?”

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched, full-out, on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car, a very pretty young lady, gave me a strange look and said, “Why don’t you just put it in park”?

One Liner
Man’s way leads to a hopeless end! God’s way leads to an endless hope!

Thought for the day
Plan carefully and you will have plenty; if you act too quickly, you will never have enough. (Proverbs 21:5 TEV)

A budget is simply a plan. It’s telling your money where you want it to go, rather than wondering where it went. And the problem many of us have today is that we don’t know where our money is going because we don’t have a budget.

A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25 cents each — three for a dollar.”

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get FOUR for a dollar!”

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.

The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”

“What mistake?” the grocer asked. “Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”

One Liner
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Thought for the day
“Don’t be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent” (Acts 18:9b NIV). In a world full of ideas and beliefs that go against God’s Word, God wants you to have an uncommon courage and stand up for what you know is true and right. Everyone else is speaking up and telling you their worldview every day.

In a national survey, 62 percent of Americans claimed they are “deeply spiritual.” When asked how that spirituality affects their decision making, 31 percent said they make moral choices based on “what feels right and comfortable,” 18 percent on “whatever is best for me,” 14 percent on “whatever causes the least conflict with others,” and only 16 percent on “what God’s Word says.”

God is telling you to make a stand for his truth.