I used my best shower singing voice and did an audition try out to become a member of the local Christmas choir.

After the audition, I asked the director how I did. He said, “You sounded fine! I will have you sing a solo.”

“You mean…by myself right up front,” I asked?

“No,” he said, “I mean you should sing so low that we can’t hear you.”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Christmastime, don’t you?

The Sunday after Christmas, the Sunday School teacher told her students about an angel appearing to Joseph in a dream, warning him about danger to the baby Jesus and telling him how to escape from it.

After the story time, the students were given an opportunity to draw a picture about the story. Most of the pictures were predictable, but Johnny’s had an odd element in it. “Johnny,” began the teacher, “I see Joseph and Mary with the baby Jesus on a donkey, but what is that following the donkey?

“It’s the flea, teacher.”

“What flea?” she asked.

The boy faithfully replied, “The Bible verse says, ‘Take Mary and Jesus and flea to Egypt.'”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly…

During a final exam in December, one of the questions was: The value of x + x(xx) when x = 2 is: (a) 10, (b) 16, (c) 18, (d) 36, (e) 64

One of the students wrote: “God knows! I don’t. Merry Christmas!”

The exam paper came back with the prof’s notation: “God gets 100. You get zero. Happy New Year.”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?

A few days after Christmas, my six-year-old son and I were talking. He asked, “Mom, is there a Santa Claus?”

“Well, what do you think?” I asked him.

He replied, “Well, my PlayStation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper.”

He thought for a minute and said, “I’ll tell you what … you and Dad can go on buying me presents and let’s just forget we ever had this talk!”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas to you!

A few days after Christmas, my six-year-old son and I were talking. He asked, “Mom, is there a Santa Claus?”

“Well, what do you think?” I asked him.

He replied, “Well, my PlayStation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper.”

He thought for a minute and said, “I’ll tell you what … you and Dad can go on buying me presents and let’s just forget we ever had this talk!”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas to you!