NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish? 

Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV and Netflix. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work and on social media.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home – eat out more.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about my faults.
~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.

One Liner

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.