HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS

Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes…

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I’m glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is… and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!”

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a “sunny beach”…

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing…why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma

One Liner

Some people can’t tell a lie, others can’t tell the truth, and others can’t tell the difference.

The Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes to take their drink order.

“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggy.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a root beer float,” said the second piggy.
“I want water, lots and lots of water,” exclaimed the third little piggy.

“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy, “but why have you only ordered water all evening?”

The third piggy says, “Well, somebody has to go wee, wee, wee, all the way home!”

One Liner

Sometimes it takes me all day to do nothing.

BEST OUT OF OFFICE AUTOMATIC E-MAIL REPLIES

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

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8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Lucille instead of Steve.

One Liner

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys, and phone.”

A sidewalk preacher stood on a soapbox downtown and started a rousing sermon on salvation, ending with, “Brothers and Sisters, if you want to go to Heaven, come stand by me!”

Half of those standing around joined the preacher, and he went on, raising his voice and fervor, again with the call, “Brothers and Sisters, if you want to go to Heaven, come stand with me!”

Half of those left came over and the preacher continued, ending again with the call to Heaven. This time, all but one man came over.

“Brother!” the preacher called, “Don’t you want to go to Heaven when you die?”

The man said, “Oh sure, when I die. I thought you were taking a load up now!”

One Liner

The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.

This old fisherman would go out in his boat every morning and come back about an hour later with a cooler filled with fish. The game warden got suspicious as to how the old guy always caught so many fish in such a short time. So he invited himself fishing with the old guy.

They went to the middle of the lake, the old guy pulls out a stick of dynamite and throws it overboard. Boom! Fish start floating to the surface and the old guy starts scooping them up in his net.

The game warden says, “You can’t do that. It’s illegal.”

The old guy quietly lights another stick of dynamite, hands it to the game warden and says, “You gonna talk or are you gonna fish?”

One Liner

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted

The family’s teenage son had just received his brand new drivers license.

To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive.

Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

One Liner

You can walk around Walmart and eat grapes and nobody bothers you, but as soon as you eat a rotisserie chicken, here comes security.