John went to a psychiatrist: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.” 

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” 

“How much do you charge?” John asked warily.

“Each visit is $300,” replied the doctor.

“Well, I’ll sleep on it.”

Six months later the doctor bumped into John on the street: “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?”

“Well, three hundred bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A friend at work cured me for nothing. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new pickup!”

“Is that so?! And how, may I ask, did your friend cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”

One Liner

The number of people older than you will never increase.