Years ago, I was a big city boy preaching in a small country town. I wanted to learn everything “country” so that I could fit in. As I was searching for Widow Jones’ farm, I got lost on the back roads. I saw a farmer walking into his barn so I stopped for directions.

He was just beginning to milk his cow but took time out to tell me how to get to the Jones farm. “By the way, ” I asked, “Do you know what time it is?” He leaned in to the udder of the cow and said, “12:30.”

I started to leave but I just HAD to know. I told him, “Hey, I’ve just moved from the city and I really want to know the ways of the country. How could you tell what time it was?” 

“Sit right here on this stool, son.” I did. 

“Now, grab hold of that udder.” I did. (Before this, my closest experience to this was grabbing a milk carton). 

“Now lean into the cow and lift up on the udder.” I did. 

“Lean over and look right over there on that wall. See that’s a clock. When the little hand is on the 12…”

One Liner

Swallow a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.