My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate. 

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax. 

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it…mainly because it was a so-so job. 

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting. 

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. 

Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme. 

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. 

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy. 

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. 

Next was a job in a shoe factory – I tried but I just didn’t fit in. 

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. 

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. 

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it. 

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job. 

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. 

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So, then I retired…and found out I was perfect for the job!

One Liner

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free.  It means I am literally doing nothing.