Things I’m super good at:

> Forgetting someone’s name 10 seconds after they tell me.

> Buying produce…and throwing it away two weeks later.

> Digging through the trash for the food box I just tossed, because I already forgot the directions.

> Making plans. And then immediately regretting making plans.

> Leaving laundry in the dryer until it wrinkles. Then turning on the dryer to dewrinkle. Then forgetting it again.

> Calculating how much sleep I’ll get if I can just “fall asleep right now.”

One Liner

It’s fine to eat a test grape in the produce section, but you take one bite of rotisserie chicken and it’s all, “Hey, get out!”