These are actual comments left on Forest Service registration comment cards by backpackers:

“A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”

“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

“Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”

“Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”

“Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”

“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”

“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

“Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”

“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”

“Need more signs to keep area pristine.”

“A McDonald’s would be nice at the trail head.”

“Too many rocks in the mountains.”

One Liner

I just can’t handle automatic doors.