These comments by police officers were taken off actual police car videos around the country. Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have a since of humor…

> “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

> “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

> “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

> “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

> “Yes sir, you can talk to the Shift Supervisor, but I don’t think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I’m the Shift Supervisor?”

> “Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

> “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are a drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

> “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey doodoo.’

> “Yea, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

> “How big were those ‘two beers’ you said you had?”

> “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours, so you know someone who can post your bail.”

> “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

One Liner

Karaoke bars combine two great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.