HOW TO KNOW IT’S TIME TO BUY A NEW CAR

~ A car exactly like yours is featured in a display in your local museum.

~ Instead of an airbag, there’s a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel.

~ You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year-old on a moped.

~ As you drive by, people keep yelling, “Get a horse.”

~ Your emergency brake consists of putting your leg through a hole in the floorboard and dragging your foot on the pavement.

~ When you gas up, the attendant asks, “Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?”

~ Replacement running boards just aren’t made like they used to.

~ While waiting at a stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

~ Police are constantly pulling you over on the interstate to ask why you’re not maintaining the minimum 65 mph speed.

~ Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

~ Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

One Liner

If I had a quarter for each math exam I’ve failed, I’d have $6.30.