A grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife: 

“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” 

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”? 

“You mean you’re coming empty handed?”

One Liner

I went to a fish restaurant last night and ordered the Octopus. The waiter told me it takes 4 hours to cook. “Why”, I asked. He said “It’s because it keeps turning the gas off”.