Rebecca said to her husband, “Do you know the neighbor’s daughter scored a 99 on her math exam?”

Her husband Tom, sipping his tea, remarked, “Really? What happened to the remaining 1 point?”

Rebecca replied sarcastically, “Your son scored it.”

One Liner
You know you’re getting older when you begin to realize that your parents were right, after all.

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Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding. On the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”
Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts.”

One Liner
I pulled a muscle digging for gold. No worries though, it’s just a miner injury.

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Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

“Great,” Sue exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Wonderful,” Mary replied. “I’ll go with you.”

One Liner
A large stack of toilet paper fell on me in the supermarket. I’m okay, though, just some soft tissue damage.

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+ A high-converting storefront that’s branded to you
+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
 + Automated lead-gen tools (like comment triggers + follow-ups)

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KIDS’ LETTERS TO PASTORS

Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.  Pete, Age 9, Phoenix

I’m sorry I can’t leave more money in the plate, but my father didn’t give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?  Patty, Age 10, New Haven

I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.  Loreen, Age 9, Tacoma

Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.  Laurie, Age 10, New York City

Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God’s help or a new pitcher. Thank you.  Alexander, Age 10, Raleigh

My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don’t think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.  Joshua, Age 10, South Pasadena

Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?  Christopher, Age 9, Titusville

Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.  Carla, Age 10, Salina

One Liner
I thought I was a good person, but the way I react when people drive slowly in the left lane would suggest otherwise.

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The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict.

After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner.

Judge: “What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?”

Foreman: “Insanity, sir.”

Judge: “What, all twelve of you?”

One Liner
I can’t remember the name of my homing pigeon but I’m sure it’ll come back to me.

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A big, burly man visited his pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

“Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?”

They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “I’m the landlord,” he sobbed.

One Liner
I just got a present labeled, “From Mom and Dad,” and you know for sure that Dad has no idea what’s inside.

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What’s inside?
+ A high-converting storefront that’s branded to you
+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
 + Automated lead-gen tools (like comment triggers + follow-ups)

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The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah’s Ark, so the preschool teacher in church decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals.

“I’m going to describe something to you. Let’s see if you can guess what it is. First: I’m furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees.”

The children looked at her blankly.

“I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns.”

No response. This wasn’t going well at all!

“I’m usually brown or grey, but sometimes I can be black or red.”

Desperate, the teacher turned to a perky four-year-old who was usually good about coming up with the answers.

“Michelle, what do you think?”

Michelle looked hesitantly at her classmates and replied, “Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus — but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!”

One Liner
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, take the spoon out of the cup.

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My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.

He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.

He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.

Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, “Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?”

One Liner
I avoid stairs. They’re always up to something.

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DONE FOR YOU DIGITAL BUSINESS SYSTEM …..
This is exactly how beginners are making $600+

This system was engineered for beginners who are ready to start fast and scale with purpose… and for burnt out digital marketers who are done with the hustle.

What’s inside?
+ A high-converting storefront that’s branded to you
+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
 + Automated lead-gen tools (like comment triggers + follow-ups)

No guesswork. No overwhelm. No “where do I start?” spiral.
It’s already built — and it’s already working.

And we set it up with you and for you! Click HERE for details!!