In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: “That’s the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger.”

“Then I don’t want it,” retorted the customer.

“I certainly can’t afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!”

One Liner

I just finished a positive thinking course. What a waste of time.

One day an employee came into work with both of his ears bandaged. His boss asked him what happened to his ears.

“Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!”

“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what about the other?”

“They called back.”

One Liner

How much did Long John Silver pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

A politician asked a well-known author, “Did you know that ‘Sumac’ and ‘Sugar’ are the only two words in English that begin with the letters ‘Su’ but are pronounced ‘Shu’?”

The author replied, “Sure.

One Liner

Do you ever have so much planned the next day and then you wake up and just say, “Nah.”

During a hectic night of mail processing at the post office, a number of letters fell off an elevated conveyor belt and scattered onto the floor. Before the area supervisor had a chance to pick them up, the facility manager, who had a reputation for being stern, came upon the scene.

“Why is this mail on the floor?” he demanded angrily.

Without hesitation the supervisor replied, “Gravity, sir.”

One Liner

You know it’s going to be a bad day when your twin brother forgets your birthday.

A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER REPORTS:

~ With your eyes closed for prayer, anything can happen in a room full of preschoolers.

~ Prayer requests reveal a lot about parents.

~ Cheap glue adheres to skin.

~ Kool Aid and song motions do not mix.

~ Girls are superior to boys.

~ There IS a doggie Heaven.

~ Parachute games should not be used in a room with a chandelier.

~ Church maintenance men do not have a sense of humor.

~ Animal crackers can be sneezed out the nose.

~ There are good reasons why pastor’s kids have a bad reputation.

One Liner

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.

The Three Unwritten Rules of Life are:

1._______________________________

2. _______________________________

3.________________________________

One Liner

“Do Not Touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.