The young boy was spending a Sunday afternoon with his grandpa. Looking at pictures of his grandpa in his military uniform, the boy asked, “Grandpa, did you ever kill anyone in the war?”

“No champ, I never did.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“You’re telling me,” began grandpa, “I was the cook!”

One Liner
I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.

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YOU MAY BE A FARMER IF…

~ An overnight, out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation.

~ You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.

~ You sometimes rinse off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife lets you in the house.

~ You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.

~ You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.

~ You remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, and yields for 10 years back, but not your kid’s birthdays.

~ You drive off the road while examining your neighbor’s crops.

~ You borrow gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.

~ You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.

~ You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs.

~ When you drive your truck, everybody waves at you.

One Liner
I put my weight scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

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+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
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A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues.

A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”

One Liner
My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. Told her it’s because I can’t stand doing it.

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IMPORTANT NOTICE

You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

One Liner
If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.

One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation:

“My good people, I have here in my hands four sermons…
a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes,
a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes,
a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour,
and a coin sermon that lasts till noon.

“Now, we’ll take the collection to see which one you want.”

One Liner
I’m terrified of elevators and I’m taking steps to avoid them.

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A West Virginia state trooper, stopped a woman for going 15 miles over the speed limit.

After he handed her a ticket, she asked him, “Don’t you give out warnings?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied. “They’re all up and down the road. They say, ‘Speed Limit 55.'”

One Liner
Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS blurted out, “You have reached your final destination.”

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DONE FOR YOU DIGITAL BUSINESS SYSTEM …..
This is exactly how beginners are making $600+

This system was engineered for beginners who are ready to start fast and scale with purpose… and for burnt out digital marketers who are done with the hustle.

What’s inside?
+ A high-converting storefront that’s branded to you
+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
 + Automated lead-gen tools (like comment triggers + follow-ups)

No guesswork. No overwhelm. No “where do I start?” spiral.
It’s already built — and it’s already working.

And we set it up with you and for you! Click HERE for details!!

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if
they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. “Alec!”
yelled the teacher, “you’ve done nothing. Why?”

“Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do!”

One Liner
I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament. But good players are
really hard to find.

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First man: “I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller.”

Second man: “I thought they just hired a new teller last week.”

First man: “Right, that’s the one they’re looking for.”

One Liner
I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers whether they would prefer “smoking or non-smoking?” Apparently, I should have been asking, “cremation or burial?”

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