A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25 cents each — three for a dollar.”

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get FOUR for a dollar!”

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.

The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”

“What mistake?” the grocer asked. “Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”

One Liner
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Thought for the day
“Don’t be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent” (Acts 18:9b NIV). In a world full of ideas and beliefs that go against God’s Word, God wants you to have an uncommon courage and stand up for what you know is true and right. Everyone else is speaking up and telling you their worldview every day.

In a national survey, 62 percent of Americans claimed they are “deeply spiritual.” When asked how that spirituality affects their decision making, 31 percent said they make moral choices based on “what feels right and comfortable,” 18 percent on “whatever is best for me,” 14 percent on “whatever causes the least conflict with others,” and only 16 percent on “what God’s Word says.”

God is telling you to make a stand for his truth.

HOW YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO BUY A NEW CAR

~ Your VIN is 0000000000000001.

~ Your engine smokes so much the local health department recently tried to recruit you to help with mosquito abatement this summer.

~ When you go to the car wash more paint than dirt comes off.

~ Your tax adviser has suggested you could save money by purchasing your own tow truck.

~ Your mechanic keeps asking, “Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?”

~ While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

~ Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning traffic jams.

~ Instead of an airbag, there’s a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel.

~ Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

One Liner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Thought for the day
Do not think of your self more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3 (NIV)

Humility is the ingredient for change that will counter our pride. We have to start by admitting we don’t have it all together.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “72.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

One Liner
Faith attracts the positive. Fear attracts the negative.

Thought for the day
“Anyone who doubts is like a wave on the sea, blown up and down by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” (James 1:6-7 NCV/NIV)

There are two things that cause self-doubt in your life:
1. Comparing your abilities causes you to doubt your abilities.
2. Remembering your past failures causes you to doubt your abilities.

Don’t let your past doubts or guilt keep you from being used by God. God says, “I don’t care what your past is. I want to use you!”

Diner: I can’t eat this chicken. Call the manager.

Waiter: It’s no use. He can’t eat it either.

One Liner
It hasn’t been the same since Henry Ford borrowed it.

Thought for the day
“God is always revealing Himself to us through His Word and through the works of His hands. He’s an intentional God, brimming over with purpose, infusing meaning into everything around us.” – Joni Eareckson Tada

ID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, ‘Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?’ ‘No,’ replied Johnny. ‘How could he, with just two worms.’

One Liner
Wisdom often has two parts – 1) having a lot to say 2) not saying it.

Thought for the day
Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.” Psalm 50:15 (NLT)

Are you willing to trust in the One who is unseen but is more reliable, more dependable than any technology this world could create?

A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed to a recruiting mission. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young Marine are interested in each other because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young Marine to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The commanding officer is sitting there thinking: “I didn’t think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the Marine kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life is good. When does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time?!”

One Liner
TEACHER: Where would we be today if no one had ever been curious?”
JOHN: In the garden of Eden?

Thought for the day
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” – C.S. Lewis