Jonah 2:2
humor pic of the week
Humor – April 4
We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
“Finally!” I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. “I’ve been waiting twelve years for this!”
“Don’t blame me, lady,” he said. “I just got the order this morning.”
One Liner
I just finished a 10-week course with my speech therapist and I can’t say thank you enough.
Humor – April 3
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
“Goat,” the little boy replied.
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'”
One Liner
I will no longer be “growing old,” I’ll be “going for a high score.” Who’s with me?
Humor – April 2
A state trooper stopped a Congressman for going 15 miles over the speed limit.
After he handed him a ticket, the Congressman asked, “Don’t you give out warnings?”
“Yes, sir,” he replied. “They’re all up and down the road. They say, ‘Speed Limit 65.'”
One Liner
Purchase only that what you need, not what you greed.
Humor – April 1
APRIL FOOLS’ DAY GROANERS
Q: Wanna hear an April Fools’ Day joke about paper?
A: Never mind, it’s tearable.
Q: Did you hear the story about the guy who switched the labels on the pumps
at the gas station?
A: It was an April Fuels’ joke.
Q: What’s the difference between Christmas and April 1?
A: One’s all about yule and the other is all about fools.
Q: How do you start a tough conversation on April 1?
A: “If I may speak prankly.”
Q: What did Elvis say on April 1?
A: Prank you, prank you very much.
Q: Why don’t science teachers trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they’ve just finished a 31-day March!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1?
A: April Ghoul’s Day!
Q: What’s the best day for monkey business?
A: The first of Ape-ril!
Q: What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
A: On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!
Q: What monster plays the most April Fools’ Day jokes?
A: Prankenstein!
One Liner
Nothing is fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
Humor – March 31
A king was quite concerned about a decision he had just made, so much so that went to his chief advisor to ask his opinion of it.
“Yeah, I’d say it’s your worst decision yet,” the plain-talking advisor replied.
Confused, the king asked, “Yet?”
To which the advisor replied, “Well, it’s not so bad that I think you’re incapable of making a worse decision.”
One Liner
I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
1 Peter 4:1
humor pic of the week
Humor – March 28
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
“What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?” he demanded to know. “Half the audience walked out before I finished.”
The employee was baffled. “I wrote you a 20-minute speech,” he replied. “And I gave you the two extra copies you asked for.”
One Liner
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
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